Do you remember leaving?

I remember being scared of you and dad arguing and you telling me you would be right back, you never came back.

That was my first memory of you.

Pretty shitty memory right?

You told me you were going to Kmart.

I looked for you everytime dad and I went to Kmart, and dad always covered for you and said you were shopping for Christmas and that you would be back.

Christmas came and went and you were still know where to be found.

I grew up without you and my life went on

Mother's day was the worst for me and dad knew that.

So sometimes he would keep me home that day and it became like a second fathers day.

Do you get why I resent you so much?

You left with no explanation

With no goodbye.

No, I love you's

Just an empty hole in my heart.

I had to watch my dad struggle with raising a daughter on his own and not knowing what to say sometimes.

I remember crying to my dad when I had my first heartbreak.

I know he probably wanted to throat punch a 14-year-old boy,

but he had to stay strong and tell me guys suck and they are dumb and tell me I would find a good one eventually.

(he was right)

I know he did what he could but I know he wished I was a boy sometimes.

Let's talk about abandonment for a minute.

Isolation, Loneliness, Emptiness.

You helped create those inside of me

and I hope you realize how much that affected my self-esteem while growing up.

I never felt any worth because of you,

I always felt needy like I was always asking too much like if I dare ask for help they were going to leave as you did.

You helped carve the deep dark hole inside of me.

I have finally climbed out of that hole of negativity with the help of my boyfriend and the people i now call family.

Do you remember the day I was brought to see you?

I was so happy to see you.

It was everything I ever imagined it would be.

It felt like my puzzle was finally put back together.

I was so young and so naive.

It didn't take long to find out how you really were.

You were mentally abusive.

You stole things from me:

Money,

Shoes,

Movies

and whatever else you may have taken.

You manipulated me into thinking that was how a mother-daughter relationship worked.

You had me believing so many different things.

Like my dad wasn't my biological dad,

They took me away from you,

and they were the bad guys.

You tore my dreams apart so you could be happy that I was at your level.

You didn't want me to be successful you wanted me to end up like you.

You made me believe you were a genuinely good person

but in the end, you were just another snake in the grass.

I've done a lot of healing

Still, have more healing left to go

You come in and out of my life when it's convenient for you.

I'm learning how to let go of negativity and stay positive

I know now more than ever I want to be successful and happy

I hope you look back and see the pain you caused

I hope you will forgive yourself one day

I will forgive but will never forget

I will be happy and one day have a family of my very own

I will one day be the best mom, wife and best friend I can be

And I have shown myself my true worth and nobody can ever take that away from me.

Thank you for leaving in a way it made me stronger.