Dear middle school me.

First off, wow. It’s kind of weird writing to younger me, as if I’m a whole different person. Although, in a way, I guess I kind of am. A lot has changed since middle school. It’s kinda crazy to think about, actually. I want you to know that you’ll be ok. I know it might not always seem like it, but I promise you will be in the end. At least, as of now anyway. You’re going to go to college and study education and it’s going to be hard. You’re going to have days where you want to quit and drop out and you’ll have days where you just want to curl up in a ball and cry but that’s ok. You’ll make some amazing friends, and actually go to parties on your own (weird, right?). In two years, you’re going to start competing in a pageant, and it will change your life. In freshman year, you join an Orthodox Jewish youth group called NCSY, and you’re going to slowly get more involved with it than you could have ever imagined. Eventually, you’ll even go to Israel! For a whole month! How crazy is that? You’re going to nationals for National American Miss one day. I know right now it seems like something you might not be able to do, but you do it. Hard work and determination, right? You finally got your braces off, but I know you still think you look weird. You’re beautiful. You just have to realize it.

I don’t know when exactly this happens, but sometime in high school you learn to love your ADHD as a blip in the radar. Something you know will always be with you, but it’s something you can overcome with hard work. I wish you could see me now in college. Maybe you’d work more to your potential in high school if you could see what you could accomplish. Junior year in high school is going to be rough. A hurricane is going to hit Long Island hard, and you’re going to be out of your house for ten entire months, all because of a stupid contractor. Your parents are going to get separated and it’s going to be hard. But it’s ok, I know you can get through it. Some of the people you’ve been ‘friends’ with will drift away and you’ll stop being friends. It’ll be weird, but it’s for the best, I promise. You’ll have a few boyfriends, and you’ll finally get your first kiss. You’ll have a cuddle buddy at one point, how weird is that?

You’ll become much more outgoing in the next few years. It’s a mix of NCSY and NAM. It won’t happen all at once, but you’ll notice it eventually. You’re still awkward, but you kinda roll with it and use it as a strength rather than a weakness.

There is so much I want to say to you, but I really just want you to know this. Don’t let your happiness be based off of what you think other’s think of you. You do you and be yourself. I promise, one day, you’ll find an amazing group of people who will love you and want to be around you because of who you are. You’re an amazing person, and I wish you could see that now.

Don’t let the Muggles get you down, middle school me. You got this, go take on the world, one day at a time.

Love, 2016, 20 year old Nicole.