A Letter To A Lost Family Member

A Letter To A Lost Family Member

Thank you for always believing in me.
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Well, this month marks a full year that you have no longer been with us. It is still confusing to grasp that you are really gone. I think about you more often these days, especially when I am really stressed because you were always my go to person to confide in when the going got tough.

It is still very surreal to me. I still sometimes think that you will be home when I come to visit, sitting in your recliner with your house shoes on, wrapped in a sweater. I even still talk about you in the present tense, but I guess the reality of things doesn't really hit me until I am standing next to your grave speaking with you. Death is strange that way.

I dream about you sometimes on days that I don't expect, but greatly appreciate. They are always pleasant dreams so I hope that means pleasant things for you as well.

As you have probably noticed, I have been a train wreck lately, worrying myself over small, pointless things. I can only imagine what you would say to me. Probably something to make me laugh and smile a little. I miss hearing your voice...

The family is doing okay from what I can tell. I am not exactly a mind reader, but I know you would tell me that I am pretty close to being one. Perhaps I got that from you. We all have our moments, but I guess that is just the sad reality of it all. Life goes on, doesn't it?

Life has been a roller coaster for me and I would love to fill you in on everything, but I'm sure you already know. I just wish you were here for the thrill of the ride with me.

I feel like you would be proud of me, or at least in the direction that I am going in with school and my career and just life in general. I know you would support me through it all no matter what. But even then I still have my doubts. Maybe its the growing anxiety I have, but I sometimes would like to hear you say those things now, even though its not possible.

I think you would really appreciate the person I am becoming. I am more myself than I have been, granted I still struggle and have my bad days, but I am beginning to be at peace with myself. Something you always were.

The journey's not over yet and there will be much more to experience, but just know that I think about you whenever I make a big decision. I always think about if you would approve or not, but in the end I know you would always approve of my decisions. You did help raise me after all.

You probably already know this, but just know that you are greatly missed. Thank you for always believing in me, but most importantly, thank you for being my unexpected guardian angel.


Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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For Nana And Papa, Your Number-One Supporters Now And Forever

You guys are so amazing, words will never be able to capture the love I have for you both, but I can try my best.

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You guys have always supported me, and I am forever thankful for the support you have given me. Especially with me going off to college a couple of years ago, you never fail to tell me how proud you are, and you always make sure that I know I am loved.

You both have gone above and beyond in every aspect of my life, and I am forever grateful for you. From birth to now, I have never doubted that you guys are on my side and that you guys are the most amazing people to walk this planet. I'd like to say thank you for some of the things that you do for me (because it is actually impossible to cover it all).

Thank you for sending me mail.

Besides the constant reminders to set up accounts to this or that, you always send cute cards with sweet messages inside, and you never fail to brighten my day. Spending holidays away from home is hard, it takes every bit of strength I have to not make the trip home, but you make sure that I feel some extra love on those days.

Thank you for supporting me through all of my sports adventures as a child.

Baseball, basketball, softball, and any other sport with a ball. You were always there, cheering, bringing me snacks, and rooting on my team. You made sure that I was always on time and trying my hardest — thank you. Because of this, I know that to this day you are still cheering me on through midterms and finals and all of the group work in between.

Thank you for all the homemade cookies.

This is a joint effort for both of you, and I know that because one makes the cookies and the other saves a baggie for me. There is something about the drive back to school after a visit home, and I think it is a little easier when you can taste home. Thank you for passing along the amazing recipe that has fueled our family for years (I definitely don't make them whenever I am homesick...).

Thank you for giving me some great life values.

Sometimes I have to step back and realize that not everyone was raised like I was, and they don't know that what goes around comes back around. You made (and are still making) me a better person. Even if you are just telling me to calm down and that things will be okay; you continually make me a better and more understanding person.

Thank you for having an always open door for me.

That means more than you probably know, but I don't know who I would be if I couldn't constantly be surrounded by you both. You always welcomed me with love, acceptance, and usually a snack. To this day I find it so odd when others have to ask their grandparents if they can visit when I could burst through the door at midnight and nothing would be awkward.

You both have given me the gift of knowing that no matter what I am loved, and that no matter what I am always surrounded by people who care. You both are beyond amazing, I don't know what I did to deserve your amazing love, but I am so thankful that I have it.

I love you both so so so much.

Thank you!

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