I write to you today, tired and wondering when I'm going to catch a break. Test after test, clinical after clinical — I feel like I can't catch my breath. The hours upon hours of studying and paperwork during the late nights and early mornings are breaking me down. I have never been so physically, mentally, and spiritually drained in my life. But let me stop complaining, because this is just a season. Some days, I try to compare myself to a tree. They look as if they won't live during the winter, but just look at them during the spring. They have blossomed, matured, and have become what they are meant to look like. This is our winter but our spring (graduation) is coming. You know just what we have to go through, how long it will take, and how hard it will be on us, but you also know that it will help us to stand taller and become stronger. Trees go through the same thing and if they can handle it, then so can I.
Thank you for this opportunity to be in college so that I may earn an education. Thank you for the future you already have planned out for me. I may feel as if things don't look good now but I know that you have not brought me this far to leave me here alone. But I need you more than I've ever needed you, because I'm not able to do this on my own. I apologize for the times I've turned to my Med-Surge book rather than my Bible. I'm sorry for replacing the opportunities I've had to pray with thoughts of worry about my next Maternal Health test. Please, help me to always remember to put you first and then after I do that, everything else will fall into place. You have instilled a desire within me to take care of your children, I just ask that you would make me capable. As I learn, let the concepts enter my mind, register, and stay there. I am amazed more and more everyday at your creation of the human body. Every bit and piece of us is so intricate and delicate. Help me to understand what our bodies are supposed to do and what to do to help a person whose body isn't working like it should.
I want to be a source of your light in my patients' dark time. Nobody wants to be in the hospital but let your spirit work through me to instill hope in them. When they say that they want to give up, remind me to tell them to keep pushing through, just as I hear you saying those same words to me during this time. I pray that there is meaning behind what I am doing, don't let it be for nothing, send me confirmations and encouragement along the rest of the way.
I thank you for sending your son and the shedding of his blood, because of that, the veil was torn and I'm able to write this letter to you.