To The Crush I Fear Getting To Know This Semester

So, of course, after almost three months of not seeing you, I decided to start one of our first conversations by commenting on how "nice" the weather was. I mean, was I actually serious?! First of all, thank you so much for taking absolutely no notice of my somewhat irrelevant remarks and proceeding to make an even better one by asking how I've been and what my summer was like.

Would you be less fond of me if I told you that I enjoy talking about myself? Fortunately, you don't seem to mind one bit. It is for this and several other reasons that you make an excellent conversationalist. I particularly enjoy your constant eye contact and the soft, yet reassuring, smile you make to show that you are actually listening and are genuinely interested in what I'm saying. I still struggle to do that in my conversations with others (even those who I happen to be much closer to), but you're definitely a natural at it.

I'm also extremely fascinated by the fact that you remember even the simplest of details about me that you learned this past spring (and damn, does that impress me).

A few days ago, you suggested we walk to one of the buildings on campus to pick up a rock from the rubble as a memory of the building before it most likely gets taken down. I told you to go ahead and pick one out especially for me, and you used the word "cute" to describe it in the end.

As usual, I'm now spending an unhealthy amount of my time contemplating whether the rock you gave me symbolizes more than just the building it came from (I'm sure you're smart enough to know what it is that I'm suggesting here). Just in case, however, here's a pretty big hint:

Do you think I'm cute, man?! Do you?

By the way, don't tell me if you do. I like the mystery that comes with not knowing, as it helps to ensure a constant spark in our relationship. Basically, it's what makes me more attracted to you.

Unfortunately, I know nothing is going to progress beyond what we have now in terms of a friendship. You're going to go to Harvard Law School, and I'm going to go my own way. That's the harsh reality that I need to force myself to accept as soon as possible.

Before you came along, I believed one of the most effective ways to not be misled in love was to resist trusting rocks (especially the most colorful and eye-catching ones). On the other hand, the one you gave me from the rubble happens to be so imperfect in nature that I can't help but see its underlying beauty every time I look at it.

I won't say that I love you, but I will say you're the first guy who's managed to convince me that there are good guys out there who are more than capable of and willing to provide a healthy relationship to a woman like me.

I want to get to know you, but I'm afraid to at the same time. Am I wrong to think that there's some sort of chemistry between us that neither one of us wants to admit out of fear of ruining the other person's plans and ambitions for the future?

If so, then maybe our best option is to simply enjoy and grow from the experiences and conversations we have together from this day forward. Sadly, I don't think we can really do anything else.

You've already taught me so much about what it truly means to be in a healthy relationship with someone (even though you and I aren't technically dating). For that, I will always be grateful to you.

Here's to having even more conversations about our accomplishments, plans for the future, and, of course, attempting to make up "legitimate" excuses so that we can continue to roam around campus and talk for as long as we want.