may this help you understand.

As I grew my wings to begin my new journey away from my home of 6 years to fly to new places and continue my life it came with things I had to let go of, one of those things was you. As much as it hurt, and as much as I really wanted you here, I wouldn't change those things. Because I would never want my life to ever hurt or effect your life. My heart was heavy for a while, until I accepted it was better for you. Because you needed someone who was strong and able. After I flew from my comfort zone I became weak and vulnerable. I was no longer the support you needed because I had to support myself again for the first time in years. I was terrified, sick, and learning my new normal. Life was moving so fast I couldn't keep up with it, and looking back it's all a blur now. I wished I could've been strong for the both of us, but I couldn't. Now that I have adjusted, and survived year one I could be that support and friend to you again, but I don't know if I would honestly want that. Of course if you ever called I would answer, and help because I do still love you like a sister. But to be friends again, I feel would be heartbreaking. Because if I were to slip again, I wouldn't want you to slip with me. I see you on other people's media, and I can say I'm so proud of you, because you look happy. I always wanted you to be happy. You deserve the best, you had been through a lot of pain, but you wore it so beautifully like it was war paint. I hope your friends now love you and can be there for you always. You are turning into such a beautiful young lady, and today you became one step closer to who you will always be, Im blessed that I was a tiny part of your big story, and I hope one day this reaches you because no matter what darling, I'm rooting for you. Even if I'm only watching from a looking glass. I love you always. I'm so proud of you. Happy Birthday.