To all of those I’ve loved before,
Hello again, I hope you are doing well. Me? I’m getting there. I’m learning more, growing up and putting my best self out there. I’ve seen a different world now that you’re not in mine and you know what? I think I’ll survive. In the past I bottled up my feelings, showed those around me that I didn’t care about the problems we had and I didn’t let the misunderstandings or unfortunate circumstances make me look weak or vulnerable in anyway. I showed how strong I was and how nothing could shift my outlook on life or my peace of mind.
At first, I blamed myself for everything that happened with you. The first exchange and how it made me feel, the mid-way interaction and how my emotions skyrocketed and I knew I would spend the rest of my life with you, to the very last conversation that led to us ultimately parting ways forever.
You know, a lot of times when I thought about you and what we had together, I thought to myself Man what was I thinking, I can’t believe I even thought that was a good idea and How could I think that way. But recently I’ve realized that I’m glad you were in my life. Not because I could “learn from my mistakes” or “change myself for the better” but because I realized that I’m worth more than I think.
I’m not trying to say you made me feel unworthy of myself or others, but you showed me a part of myself that I never knew existed. A part of myself that I needed to focus on and modify in order to be my best self. When we were together, I was the happiest I had been in a while, you gave me random bursts of self-appreciation and made me feel exceptional. We smiled, we laughed, we argued and we cried but in doing so we created a heavy undeniable bond.
I, the hopeless romantic that I was and continue to be, am keen on the ideas of love. I wanted it so bad that I didn’t act myself in order to obtain it. Looking back, I’ve realized that instead of attaining your love, care and affection, I dug my claws in too deep and refused to let go of the thought of love, prosperity and commitment which in the end drove you away at an adequate and faster speed.
In the end, there were three stages to the conclusion of our friendship, relationship and bond. The first stage being denial. I disapproved of this loss. The pure and innocent mindset of me, a soul who had lost my “person” the one who made it worth it to breathe and live on was just aggressively torn from my life. Whether it was my decision or not to conclude our affiliation, I still went through this phase. I weighed the advantages and the disadvantages of this life changing decision. I questioned how different our lives would be and if continuing together would be a more positive outcome.
The second stage is the numbing sensation of the ultimate end. My body, inner self and surroundings were unrecognizable. I accepted no help, no guidance and no further explanations of what had gone wrong. During this phase I began to accept the fact that what we had was not as real as it should have been and through thick skin, I started the process of moving up and onward.
The last step is phase three. This is the point I am living in at this moment in time. I have accepted that we are apart. I have defined to myself what can make a happy life and I have realized that another person being in it does not necessarily create a state of well-being and I need to focus and drive my love somewhere else.
But listen up, I didn’t cease my love for love because of the relationship we had, instead I put on the breaks, analyzed my future ambitions and realized love will come when it’s ready. I will love someone new and cherish the relationship I have with them because of what I learned from you being in my life. But until then, I will continue to reflect on our time together because it was both a good and bad memory I shared with someone I cared deeply for and always will remember.
Yours truly,
A person you have loved before
