It's been almost two years since I worked up the strength and the courage to leave you, but some things from you still haunt me to this day. You haven't tried to contact me since November, but I feel like I constantly have to watch my back in the library, in the dining halls, at work, just to make sure that I don't have you watching me from afar.
We were only 15 when you asked me to be your girlfriend. Fifteen. If only I knew the things that you would put me through for the next four years. If only I knew the absolute heartbreak and sadness that would be awaiting me.
Things were so great in the beginning. We were best friends. We did everything side-by-side. So many milestones were met while we were together. Getting our learners' permits, then our licenses. Singing duets together at voice recitals. Applying to colleges, getting our acceptances, choosing where we were going to school. Graduating and then moving down to college.
But I should have known better. We weren't going to live happily ever after.
There were warning signs from the very beginning. 6 months into our relationship I caught you texting an ex-girlfriend. I ignored it. Two years in, I found out that you cheated on me with someone who claimed she was my friend. I forgave you. Three years in, you broke up with me right before we moved into college, just to continue to watch my every move to make sure that I didn't do something you didn't like. You said you didn't want to meet anyone else, that you wanted to marry me. But then why did you find a new girl, not even a week after leaving me and breaking my heart?
You kept me on a string. I would've done anything for you just to make you happy. I was dependent on you, and it never should have been that way. The constant lies, emotional abuse, and manipulation caused me to lose sight of who I was completely. I didn't even know who I was anymore. I used to be so carefree and happy before you got ahold of me. I never even realized how much power you held over me until I escaped you and our toxic relationship.
You told me you loved me and that you gave me everything and I gave you nothing in return. You told me that I never tried hard enough and that I was selfish. You said that you would love me no matter what. But you didn't love me the way that I deserved and wanted to be loved.
Real love is genuine, compassionate, unconditional, and true.
You didn't love me like that. You wanted control over me. You didn't want anyone else to have me. You felt as if you owned me. I didn't deserve that, but I was too naive, too scared to leave you because I didn't know who I would be without you.
The worst thing that you did was make me feel as if I was unworthy of love.
You told me that nobody would ever care for me like you do. You said that I will never find someone else who will take the time to love me and know me as much as you did. You made me feel absolutely worthless, heartbroken and lost. I don't know if I will ever be able to fully forgive you for the way you made me feel.
I just want you to know, that I am finally happy. I never needed you. All you did was break me. Tear me down. Make me feel as if I wasn't good enough for you or for anybody else. Now, I know who I am. I'm no longer scared of loving again and opening up to someone. I have found someone who loves me in the most beautiful way possible. Someone with the purest, sweetest, and most compassionate soul. He lifts me up and helps me grow and be successful and become the very best, strongest version of myself.
And you know what? That's what I deserved all along.