Dear Friends,
I don’t know what any of you are going through in your life at this moment, but I do know that I’m going through one of the busiest, most stressful, and definitely the most difficult time of my life. Being in college as a psych major, being involved in so many extra curricular activities I lose count, and having to fight this inner pain every day, I get so drained that some days I choose not to fight. I choose to let go, and let the depression win.
I’m here to tell you…
Know that it is okay to not be okay, and to take a breath from the battle every once in a while.
Fighting day by day against your struggles and having to live with the constant fear that, at any given moment, you could slip right back into the hole you just dug yourself out of… it’s scary. And it’s hard. So hard. That’s why some days, it’s okay to take a step back, take a breather, and enjoy the little things: like movie marathons, a good night’s sleep, and snuggling in blankets that are fresh from the dryer.
I only tell you this to let you know that I am human and I fall to this illness, just like any one of you. I’m not this "super strong" person, and most times it’s hard to live by my own advice that I give to everyone dealing with these illnesses: focus on the good and aim towards the light. Those simple sayings are what I strive to do everyday. Yes, I fail and I will continue to fail every once in a while because-- I am human. But the key to falling is: you have to know how to pick yourself back up.
You have to keep going.
Life is full of failures, but we can’t base our entire life on the things that we trip on or how many times we fall. If we did that, we would never be able to get up from our failures and our self-esteem would continue to live in the basement. And, if you’re anything like me, your self-esteem seems to always stay down in that dirty and lonely basement. But, fortunately, there are little things that always makes me feel better about myself: compliments, smiles, hugs, over-worn sweaters. Anything that makes me feel as if I am not always vulnerable and out in the open, but rather I am loved and I am safe are the little things that boost my self-esteem.
Yes, college is stressful, and yeah—life is really hard. But life without challenges is a life that isn’t worth living. We just have to learn to enjoy the little things. We have to take that time out of our day to smile, to laugh, to go outside and enjoy the sunshine, and to lay back and find the joy in the birds singing us their lullabies.
If you have trouble with learning how to find the light in your everyday life, maybe this little list of daily goals that I wrote for myself a while ago will help you:
- Seize every opportunity you have to be happy.
Don’t be afraid of the future. You have to seize those moments of happiness without the nagging fear that you can’t possibly be happy. You can be happy; you just have to be okay with dropping everything to be happy. - Take a minute to breathe.
When those moments come where you feel like you can be happy, revel in those moments. Take a breather. Give yourself some credit for finding that happiness and fighting those battles. - Find the things that make you who you are; that make you able to love yourself.
Within those few small moments of happiness and the ability to breathe, allow yourself to remember what makes you YOU. And once you’re able to see that again, remember that it’s not to wrong to love those parts of you. Actually, it’s really healthy to love yourself.
Remember that even in the darkest of days, there is hope out there. We just have to lift our heads up toward the sky, toward the light, to find it. I'm fighting this battle right along side of you and I won't be the first to tell you that fighting this inner pain is difficult and exhausting, but surrounding yourself with friends and family who love you and support you and teaching yourself to appreciate the small little bursts of hope that the world has to offer will be what gets you through.
Carl Yung once said:
"The word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."
He was right, of course. Without the sadness there, we wouldn't be able to revel in the utter joy of pure happiness.
All my love,
Alayna
