Welcome to letter six, so far you have read my darkest secrets. But not to worry, there's more. We were just scratching the surface.
If you really knew me you would know I feel like the entire world is on my shoulders.
April has never been a fun month for me, missing my best friend and realizing he is dead and died on April 19th. My family will tell you all my stress if "self-inflicted," but what they don't know is they are the cause of some of it. Ever feel like the black sheep that doesn't fit into your family? Well.. That's me. I don't fit with them, I'm the odd one out every damn time. Everyone is "rap and r&b is great" and I'm on the spectrum of "have you heard of punk pop?" We don't mix well.
Stress has always been a BIG factor in my life, I'm always under some form of stress. I fee like there's too much to do and no time, too many bills to pay and no money, too many this and that. Mix that with depression, and it's a recipe of disaster. My depression makes me want to do nothing more but call off work, cry all day, and lay in bed and not do a single thing in my head. I get stressed before there's even things be stressed about yet, if I could have a conversation with my stress it'd probably look like this:
Me: It's an alright day, got laundry done.
Stress: But you have all this stuff to do.
Me: What stuff?
Stress: Just stuff.
Me: Care to explain?
Stress: Stuff.
I want to go one day without stress, but I know I'd find something to stress about and that's a scary thought.
Who made me so fucked up, I want stress.
