A Letter To The One Who Sacrificed Her Life For Me
Start writing a post
Relationships

A Letter To The One Who Sacrificed Her Life For Me

A simply 'thank you' cannot suffice.

334
A Letter To The One Who Sacrificed Her Life For Me
Photo by Kseniya Petukhova on Unsplash
Parenthood (n.)
The state of being a parent and the responsibilities involved.

I supposed in the broadest sense, the aforementioned definition holds true, but if I were to describe parenthood I would say:

The complete sacrifice of oneself.

It feels demeaning to describe what you did as a simple "state of being," because in reality, what you did was proactively abandon your dreams, and strive to provide the best for me. I always say how I will never have children because I know what I, as a child, took away from you once I came into existence.

At the young age of 20, you gave up everything. You could have continued to pursue your career in interior design, but that didn't pay well enough, so you chose to wash other people's feet and listen to their inane jabber while carefully painting their nails. Working 70 hours a week didn't give you time to have a social life; you couldn't even hang out with other parents because that required money—money you didn't have. So you were basically alone in all of this. Never mind the fact that he never paid child support, he also tried to crush your spirit. Nevertheless, you never stopped living for us. No one acknowledged your exhaustion or sacrifice because all everyone else saw was a young, single mom.

Today, I cry for the innocent, sweet, bright and young Korean girl who was forced to grow up without warning—away from the comfort of her own mother. The girl who was left to face the tribulations of society alone. The girl who, herself, was just a child made to take care of her own children without any guidance.

I remember one night, you held my hands and cried that everything was too hard, and said "I'm still thankful and happy that I have you to rely on" (엄마는 혜정이한테 기댈수있어서 너무 고맙고 좋아). That was twelve years ago, and I know the same sentiment does not hold true today. I suppose as the years went by my ego and selfishness got the better of me, and I forgot to take care of the one person in my life who matters. I conveniently overlooked what you had given up, and complained about such simple tasks like having to tidy up around the house. The wall of apathy I had constructed as a defense mechanism had suddenly reached out as far to you—the one person who the wall should have come crumbling down for.

Sometimes I just wish you would despise me more for what I took away from you. But for some inexplicable reason, you seem to have an unending reservoir of love for me. You candidly told me that even though I am your child, there are times when you can't stand me, but then you also feel sorry and want to give me everything you couldn't have. Isn't that the true heart of a parent?—that desire to give only the best for your child despite the pain that s/he may put you through.

I can't give you the 20 years you've sacrificed for me, but I want to make it clear that you have done and exceeded the responsibilities you've had as a parent. I can't imagine what it'd be like to give up your whole for the one who has also brought you the most pain.

What most people do over the course of 50 years, you did in 20. You've done more than enough to prepare me for life (because isn't that what parents are supposed to do?), and now, I hope you are able to find your own happiness. It's become clear to me that I cannot be the source of your happiness. No matter how hard we both try, one of us will end up hurting the other, and you don't deserve to hurt anymore. In spite of the degradation and pain, you lived to support me, and there's no reason for you to go through that anymore. Live for yourself because you owe yourself at least that much.

I hope I can reserve the roles and try to give you as much as you have given me. I could live my whole life trying to make up what you did for me, and it would not be enough because I do not have the capacity to be as selfless as you are. I think about what I would have done had I been in your position, and I never would have been able to achieve as much as you have.

I've always struggled to choose a role model in my life when the best one has been beside me all along. I hope, one day, I'll have a heart as big as yours and have the ability to love as fiercely as you do, all the while, never losing my spirit or self-worth.

I commend you, mom and I am sorry I can't be a better daughter. I know I don't say it enough, but I love you and thank you so much. The words I say cannot take away the past, but I hope my future actions will better convey my love for you.

수고했어.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers

4976

Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

51482
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series

333583
Netflix

Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

208408
Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

104493
Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?

294737

Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

14 Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Your S.O. Will Love

If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you.

178570

Let me preface this by saying I am not a bad girlfriend.

I am simply a forgetful one.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

10 Helpful Tips For College Students Taking Online Courses This Semester

Here are several ways to easily pass an online course.

120260
Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels

With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester. With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses.

Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary. Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments