First, I’d like to thank you. I’d like to thank you for giving me a thicker skin and showing me that I deserve so much more from people. I’ve grown so much since I last encountered you. Specifically, I’ve become stronger, braver, and ultimately happier.
The scariest thing, looking back, is that I initially saw you as a friend. I let you into my life very quickly and before I knew it we were doing everything from Target runs to movie nights together. I’m shocked as to why I let you into my life so quickly. I think I was just scared. I came to college from a different state and was anxious and alone. I wanted to make those close connections and gain a support network right away.
But, boy was I wrong.
You were a controlling bully. You tried to control my actions, my words, and my emotions. You made me feel bad for doing the most trivial things. But most significantly, you made me both feel bad about and question who I am.
I’m not a mean-spirited person, at all. I’m generally happy and try to look on the bright side. I try to treat others with kindness and respect. Granted, I can be selfish at times, but I am not the type of person who would intentionally be rude to someone or embarrass someone. But, you made me out to be. You accused me of doing horrible things that would never in a million years cross my mind. You also convinced my friends that I was a bad person. You defaced my character and degraded my being.
You and my other “friends” verbally ganged up on me twice. You humiliated me. You made me out to be a monster, when you were the monster. You made me feel scared, unsafe and alone. You made me question my own character. You made me cry. You made me feel unsafe in what was supposed to be my home. You made me flee my dorm and take shelter in a friend’s dorm. You put me through hell. And for what?
Since I’ve ceased any contact with you, my life has been leaps and bounds better. I’ve found a home both in my film society Lambda Kappa Tau and my sorority Alpha Epsilon Phi. I’ve found people who would never make me out to be a monster, who treat me with respect and kindness, who value and appreciate me just the way I am. I am very lucky I was able to get out of an unfortunate situation and became a stronger, more independent person because of it.
Although you might go on with the rest of your life and never give me a second thought, you’ll always have to live with how you treated me. You’ll have to live with the fact that you drove another human being out of her home, that you alienated her from people she would have otherwise been friends with, that you made her question her own character.
If you ever read this, remember how poorly you treated me and try to do better. I’ve become so much more resilient. I’ve learned how to stand up for myself more and not tolerate a situation or relationship where I’m unhappy and feel unsafe. I hope you read this and realize the error of your ways and try to to do better, both for your sake and for the sake of others around you.