Dear those I bullied,
I would never consider myself a bully -- I never pushed you into a locker, I never stole your lunch money, and I never hit you. I never physically assaulted you because I knew I could hurt you more with words than I ever could with my fists -- and that would leave wounds that would last much longer. And I apologize for those wounds.
High school is a vicious time in our lives. It's make or break, and that is how I operated. When I was in high school, I was on top of the world, the captain of teams, in student government, and at the top of my class, and I refused to let anyone take me being on top away. Until you stepped in -- you tried to bring me back to reality, to knock down my ego, and I needed it. I fought back with words, with rumors. I made sure that even if you make a funny joke, I would make a funnier one about you. I was mean.
I had the system on my side. I was so involved, knew the right people, and knew how to work it to my advantage. The moment the idea of me being a bully was even brought up, administration and teachers shot it down because I was the role model student, but everyone else knew I was a bully.
I never saw myself as a bully until recently. I realized that the words I spoke were violent, malicious, and pure evil to those who dared to cross my path. I had no reason to bully you except to be sure you knew I was dominant. But me being a bully did not make me a bigger person, it made me smaller. It did not advance me, it put me back. Being a bully did not make me stronger, it made me cowardly -- something that I wanted to avoid being perceived as more than anything.
The words I write now will never be able to get rid of the emotional scars I left on you, or the tears that I caused, but I pray it aids with closure. Being a bully is not something that I am proud of, it is something that hurts me to my core. To know I ruined the most vital years of people's lives eats away at me like the words I once spewed out that were once rooted in pure hate.
The hate that poured out of my mouth when I bullied you is not the words I want to be remembered by, but unfortunately, will be. However, I am in no way asking for forgiveness, because forgiveness implies what I did is excusable. Bullying is not excusable or worthy of forgiveness. I do ask that the words I write will be an exemplification of the way that I live now. I know do not live to degrade people, to tear them down, to make them the smaller person.
I want you to know that I have more regret and sorrow in my heart for being a bully then these words will ever do justice. I thank you for trying to bring me back to reality when you did, and I am thankful I am now, though it was too late.
Sincerely,
The former bully
P.S. If you are ever a victim of bullying, please let someone know. Telling someone you are being bullied is one of the most courageous things you can do.
