Dear People who use the the phrase "I get it,"

What does it mean to say “I get it." What exactly get? Did you get the answer to question 65 on the exam, or did you get why the black lives matter movement is so important?

First, why do you say this phrase at all? We see a lot of similar phrases like this in movies when a character, most likely a “troubled teen," has most likely said, “You don't get it! Nobody understands me!” This statement is quickly countered by the character’s teen friend or older adult (insert movie/TV examples) that says, “I get it” or something along those lines, which creates a soft spot, and the troubled character feels as if they are not alone.

In the end, the rest of the movie becomes freakin’ sugar and roses and leaving the audience feeling as if they “get it, too." Do people use this phrase solely because they copied it from the movies, and is this applicable language to use in everyday conversation?

Simply put, no. If someone was of low SES (socioeconomic status), non-binary/transgendered and/or a POC (person of color) and they were told by someone who is Cis/White/high SES status, that they “get it” because of one similar experience, it makes it seem as though that having no experience they understand what they were going through. Saying “I get it” assumes that you have lived the exact same life as the other person because you too live in the exact same social category as them.

The reality is, you haven't. Nobody lives the exact same way or has the exact same life experiences, so it is impossible to assume that because you can relate to somebody on one subject, automatically make you an expert on their life. Even if you think the person you are talking to "gets" that you "get it," it probably doesn't.

Even if you feel that you are in the same societal circle, you can't say "I get it" because even then that person and you have lived different experiences. For example, a person who identifies as Latino/a/x cannot assume that they share the exact similar experiences as every other Latino/a/x in the community because they might be of lighter skin color and be financially affluent as others who are darker and live on the south side of Chicago or the projects. You don't feel the everyday burden as others so why try to say you understand when you are not them?

Instead of saying you "get it," how about saying, "I can empathize with you," "please can you tell me more because I personally have never felt that way" or even better "What can I do to help?" You should not strive to always understand by placing yourself in someone else's shoes through your eyes. Rather, strive to see someone else perspective through their eyes.

Basically,

Don't be this person.

Just remember to...

Sincerely,

A person who doesn't get it.