Hello Parents,
There’s been plenty of letters from college students such as myself to your children explaining the pitfalls of college applications and senior year. As you know with teenagers like us and them, they may or may not choose to listen. Yet nobody really makes the effort to prepare you for your child’s transition to college - a transition that may be as stressful for you as it is for them.
I am not a parent and don’t plan on being one for a long time, but I was a high school senior very recently and I saw my parents struggle with how to deal with the transition, so here’s some advice for you:
The most important thing you should do is be aware of your child and their needs. As you may have noticed, they are already more stressed than they probably have been in their entire lives - and once they start applying for schools and financial aid, it’s only going to get worse. Know that even the most put-together teen is probably going to have a meltdown and be ready to help them through it. Right now, they’re expected to make a decision that feels as if it’s going to decide the course of their lives - that’s a big load for a 17-year-old. Be ready with ice cream and reassurance for the inevitable breakdowns.
As parents, you should also do your best to not add to the pressure your kids are facing. Chances are, your child is very much aware that your friend’s daughter got a 1600 on the SAT and that their GPA is below the average GPA for whatever school you want them to get into. Nagging your child or criticizing their grades will only cause them more stress and build up resentment that will outlast the college application process.
It’s important that you’re supportive, but not too supportive. In just one year, your child will be graduating high school and maybe getting ready to move out of the house. They will be expected to do their own laundry, decide their own classes and make their own doctor’s appointments. It’s best to treat them as people on the cusp of adulthood, not as children, and allow them some measure of independence. Doing everything for them during the application process will only harm them in the long run. No, you should not schedule your child’s SAT - but you can drive them to their test and provide supportive hugs.
Finally, I’ve spent a lot of time discussing how to help your child through their transition to college, but don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. It’s going to be normal for your child to drift apart from you during their last year of high school and their first years of college as they need space to figure out who they are as people. That will hurt, but know they still love you and will come back, even if they don’t call every week. Now might be a good time to start preparing yourself for this extra time and space in your life you have not had for eighteen years. Branch out, find new interests and friends to occupy you. You could also go the route my mother did and get pets to replace the emptiness in your house. At least dogs, cats, and rabbits won’t whine about having to do the dishes.It’s going to be a wild ride, parents, but you can do it. You will watch your children cross the stage at graduation and wonder how they’ve gotten so big and successful. The answer is - we’ve only become who we are thanks to you. Thank you.
Hang in there.
Love,
A Former High School Senior
