If I could say I'm sorry, I would a thousand times. I wish you could be there for the most important moments of my life. But sometimes, life just doesn't work out the way you want it to go.
I remember always being jealous of you—I couldn't believe that I had the prettiest, funniest person as my best friend. From late-night camping to just sitting in my room on the weekends laughing so hard we cried, I will have memories to last me a lifetime.
I will never be able to replicate our friendship, but what our friendship gave me was the ability to understand what you need out of a friendship. Friends are always people that make fun of you and hold you accountable, people that always keep your secrets.
I didn't do that.
I regret not keeping that one secret more every day of my life. The more I spend time with my sorority sisters, the more I begin to realize that trust means everything. Just because I was angry, I had no right to do what I did, yet I told people anyway.
I couldn't stand the idea of you becoming friends with anyone else and forgetting about me. In reality, I should've listened to you—I should have tried to be more social.
At the same time, it was both of us that destroyed us in the end. I wanted to just continue how life was, just you and me, and our average weekend of watching movies, talking to my family, or just laying around. But life just didn't work out for that.
You wanted to experience life completely; I wanted to just continue doing the same thing every day. We could've come to a better conclusion, one where you got the ability to make new friends and go out all the time and I got to spend your lazy weekends with you.
My family misses you, my new friends would have loved you, and most of all, I miss you. I think back to moments where I would have wanted you there. I think to all the moments here at Iowa State that I wish you were there for and all the memories we could've made over the past four years without each other.
We may never speak again, but in my mind you were the sister I never had. I'll always remember the times we had when we were kids and the few moments in high school.
I just want you to know that even though I hated you for a beat there, in reality I just missed my best friend, someone I loved and thought I would never be without.