Welcome back, hopefully you didn't miss these letters too much. But if you need a recap: thirteen letters to why my life is the way it is, the secrets I have never told anyone.

Dear third boyfriend who I pushed away.

You were the guy who needed me as much as I needed you. You understood me on ways my family and friends didn't. You were helping me get through my past, step by step. You never judged me and you were going through some deep shit as well. You used me as much as I used you as crutch, and we both got hurt in the end. You know the old saying, "play with fire and you might get burned?" I was the flame, the small ember you held in your hand, and I had your heart.

When my anxiety started getting really bad, I started out small. I started not replying to you, or I would ignore your calls. My anxiety was telling me you were going to leave like all my friends had, that you were bound to get tired of me. Then it started getting worse, to the point I would go days without talking to you, or I would avoid you. You slowly started getting fed up with me and I took it as a sign I did something wrong, but I never thought to blame my anxiety. It was always my fault, it was always me. I dropped your heart I was holding, as well as our trust.

You tried to snuff out the flame you held in your hand and you got burned. I hurt you and you tried to extinguish any feelings you had for me. I'm sorry. We might of only dated for a few months and it shouldn't still hurt the way it does, but I wish it didn't end the way it did. I still regret leaving the way I did. I'm a shit person.

So, dear third boyfriend, you were the best thing to happen to me and I let you go.