Well, mom--we finally made it. Move in day is only a week away and I know we both are experiencing some mixed emotions. As you probably know, I'm feeling both excited and anxious about it. Picking up and moving into a dorm room at some college has always been in the plans, but it's just strange knowing that, in a week, I will be on campus with all new people and a whole new environment instead of my bed here at home. It's surreal for both of us.

Although I could imagine how you are feeling, I really don't want to. I think that it would just make me sad. I know you are so proud of me and are so excited for me... but I guess I just need you to know that it's okay to be a little sad. You really know how to put on a tough front and not show your emotions, but sometimes that's really hard to do. I just want you to know that I am feeling very similarly about leaving you alone at home while I go off and experience a new freedom.

Above all, I want to remind you that no matter how much fun I'm having and no matter how many new things I'm trying, I won't ever do enough to forget you or leave you in the dust. From the beginning of my life 18 years ago, you've given me every opportunity I've ever had and there is no way to show my full gratification for that. You let me try every sport, every average instrument, acting, singing, photography, painting, writing-- every single opportunity has come from you and your faith that you have in me. And even though, like, 80% of those things didn't really work out, a solid 20% did. And that 20% has molded me into the woman I am today. Because of you.

Believe it or not, you are the reason I love to sing. You are the reason I love to write! You are the reason I do what I do because I love you. Because I've lived my life trying to make you proud and if I can walk into class that first day and know that I've made you even the least bit proud, I'll be happy.

There were times, undeniable ones, that neither of us thought that I would make it to graduation. I had my issues and a lot of stress and so did (do) you. But somehow the universe was like, "Nah, she's put her mother through enough. Let's get her that diploma!" But in all seriousness, I wouldn't have made it had you not believed in me.

Maybe there were days that you thought life could not possibly get better, only for them to end in a fight caused by a stupid mistake or a snappy attitude. Of course, brought to you by moí. Maybe there were a few days where it was too bleak and foggy to see the light at the end of the tunnel so you had to tell yourself you saw it until you actually could. However you worked the miracles you did, I'm not going to question it.

This is the part where I'm supposed to get really sappy, and make you cry about how much I love you, and how much you mean to me. How you're my best friend and my sunshine on a cloudy day. But, of course, you know that already. In fact, you know everything I have already stated and that's okay. But what you don't know, which isn't your fault-- it's mine because I suck at conveying my emotions sometimes--is that no matter how mean I can be, or sassy, or selfish, or lazy, or annoying, or spoiled, or bratty I can be, you are my favorite person to be all those things towards. You, actually, are my person. Which is CRAZY because usually, you wanna rip my head off! In the most loving way possible. I think it's all psychological but stay with me.

Even though it sometimes seems that I, dare I say, hate you, I really, really don't. It's just, you've never been my mom. You know? It's like we both grew up together, in a way. In such a dysfunctional, crazy, whirlwind kind of way and I wouldn't change that for anything. For example, all those times we'd argue? And you'd say, "You can't talk to me like that because I'm your mother, not your friend!" I dunno, I never understood that because you were always closer to me than a parent and yet, still a parent all at the same time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you ARE a friend to me. Even though I'll always be your baby.

I know you're really scared to lose me, as I am scared to lose you. And I know, sometimes, it's hard (or scary) to trust me as I am an emotional 18-year-old girl, but trust me when I say that there is nothing you could ever do to lose me. Even if you got really mad and decided you never wanted to talk to me again! I'd say, "too bad, dude." I love you more than anyone in this world because you are my world.

So, yeah. I love you. That's all.

Oh, and PS--I'll always be your sweet, sweet pumpkin cupcake.