To All The Friends I Lost In 2018

To All The Friends I Lost In 2018

Sometimes I think, and even hope, that we'll get back to where we were.

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For one reason or another, we broke it off. I'll be honest, losing you was a lot harder than other losses in some ways. It's weird to look back on all the amazing things that happened in 2018 and see you in the photos knowing that we don't talk anymore. Part of me wishes that we still did the fun stuff that we used to, but the other half understands that you did what you needed to do. But that doesn't make me not miss you.

Sometimes I think, and even hope, that we'll get back to where we were. Other times I realize that we just outgrew each other and that it's okay. Some people are meant to be there for one thing and not for another, but it's just odd to me. You were once a huge part of my life, and now you're just missing.

I'll be scrolling through my Snapchat memories or my photo roll and you'll be there. You're smiling and usually doing something hilarious, I was there smiling with you. But in between that, all the memories that aren't plastered on Instagram are what ultimately broke us.

There's an episode of Black Mirror where people literally block each other in real life and I thought it was absolutely crazy, but now I'm not so sure. Every memory of, photo with, and real-life encounter turned into a blurry figure when the person decided to block them in the show. I think it would have been easier if we could have done that, but then again it would probably hurt just as much because I still smile at every photo and memory.

I wish all the time that I could have been what you needed and wanted me to be. Maybe if I could have ditched my toxic tendencies quicker, you'd still be in my life. Maybe if I wouldn't have said this or that, you'd still be here. If I would have gone to that party that you wanted me to, or done things your way more, we'd still be friends.

Obviously, I didn't do those things. I'm sorry that I didn't. You deserved someone who would have and I'll never forget all the good (and bad) memories that we shared. And if you ever read this, just know that I wish you only good things and speak highly of you when people bring you up. I know now that it was my fault, and hope that you forgive me even if we never speak again.

So if anything, I hope you never let your anxiety control you. I hope you surround yourself with people who genuinely listen to you and value your ideas. I hope you do something crazy often. Don't let me or anyone else stop you or get in the way of everything you've always wanted. I'll love you always, and be cheering you on from afar.

Love, Emma/Bella/Bemma

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To My Best Friend Who Doesn’t Know How Strong She Is

Always better together.
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To the one I know I will always have by my side,

First off, thank you. Thanks for dealing with all my shit: my mess, drama, tears, and weirdness. There are so many reasons why you are my best friend; you are funny, amazing, kind and unbelievably supportive. I am beyond lucky to have someone that gets me and has been there with me through the best of times and the worst of times.

You are strong.

Life is difficult; I think we have both realized that by now. Whether you believe me or not you are kicking everything being thrown at you in the ass. You have been through everything and more and have always come out of it a stronger, and better person. You are never alone and you know that; we have been there for each other for years and that will never end.

You are special.

I have never met anyone with a bigger heart than you; you sympathize with anyone that comes to you for advice. You take things to heart and look at the world in a unique and beautiful way. You appreciate the little things in life, watching Dance movies with your mom, a late night snack at Taco Bell, driving with the top down and dancing like no one is watching.

You are beautiful.

You are way more beautiful than you think. You've got softness to you that is calming, a smile that is contagious, and a gorgeous girl with so much to offer. You are filled with love and compassion, an amazing writer, dancer and overall an amazing and beautiful person.

You can get through anything.

I know you are going through a hard time right now, but look at how far you've come. You have gone through way worse and you will get through this just like you have in the past. You will become even more powerful than you already are. You are experienced and that's part of what makes me love you so much. We have gone through a lot together and we know that whatever life throws at us we can handle it.

I am always here.

Your hardship is my hardship, but keep your head up high just like I know you can. You have so much love in your life, from your family, your friends and me. I love you, I have never had a friend like you and I am so grateful every day because of it. You are going to get through this. You are going to get through it because you are, powerful, you are beautiful and you are strong.

~Written with love and appreciation for the most amazing friend I could ever ask for~

Cover Image Credit: Sarah Richman

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup


Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.

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We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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