Hey there.
I see you. I feel you. I know what you’re going through.
I cried for too long. I mourned the end of a relationship that wasn’t ending, still isn’t. I let the fear of the unknown overcome the happiness of our last few days together.
This isn’t going to be a letter that condones your sadness and nurtures your tears. I was there, standing on the brim of a dark ravine and wondering what would come out on the other side: a happy healthy relationship or a single girl forced to sew herself back together.
Wipe the tears from your eyes. Close the google tab and stop searching “tips for long distance” and “ways to stay together over long distance”. Pull yourself together. Get out of bed. You are going to be fine. You are strong.
Now that you’re listening, I’m going to tell you the truth.
This journey you are about to embark on, whether it be a month or a year or an undefined amount of time, is not going to be easy. Fights are going to be blown out of proportion. Communication is hard anyway, multiply that infinitely when it comes to solely communicating through a screen. Even the sweetest moments of long distance are going to pale in comparison to the real-life memories you have.
All the fights you’ve had before this pale in comparison, and you’re going to look back and scoff at the times you fought about where to eat, who needs to clean, where to sleep that night- because even when you were fighting, you were together.
It’s going to be a trial and error process, learning what works best for you. It’s going to be long and tedious and sometimes you’re going to be exhausted by the thought of texting another paragraph. This is going to be hard. Harder than a lot of things you’ve experienced. You’re going to want to scream or cry or run away from it all.
But don’t give up.
If you can fight this hard for your relationship when everyone’s telling you to just give up, you can fight this hard for anything. If you are determined to love this person, even after the fights and the hours and days of not talking much and the constant fear that you aren’t strong enough to go through this and the lack of support from your companions, then you are stronger than you think.
The truth is, even if you don’t think you’re going to get through this, you’re wrong. You really have no choice, at all. No matter how many nights you cry yourself to sleep and toss and turn because you just can’t get comfortable without them in your bed, the world keeps turning.
The sun will rise and it will set. Your life will progress much like it would with them in the same city, state, country.
No one else will even realize how drastically your world has changed. But you have no choice except to keep on surviving. So why not try to enjoy it?
Use this time of separation to improve yourself. Go on a run, go to the gym, read a book, study extra hard for that exam you have in a week. Do things that will make you feel good and do the things you want to, because this is your life and living only for someone else is not only overrated, but dangerous.
Make time for each other; even if it’s only an hour a day, dedicate that hour to filling your significant other in on what happened at school or work and in return, genuinely listen to them. Have meaningful conversations, even if this means talking less throughout the day so your texts don’t turn into a meaningless and tedious repetition of ‘how r u’ and ‘what’s up rn’ by the time you have time to actually talk.
Don’t let this distance define you- go hang out with the girls and go to events and make new friends. Just don’t forget to fill in your partner in at the end of the day- it will make you feel a lot more connected than texting constantly throughout the day.
Remember that they are going to be busy at times that you aren’t, and vice versa. Remind yourself everyday that it’s still okay to make decisions for yourself and to do what you want, but it’s still okay to turn down a night of partying for a netflix and skype date.
You are not confined to this person, rather, you are both growing and choosing to include the other in your journey. And although it’s really going to suck, I believe in you.
Okay. You got this.
And remember:
“stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart”
Khalil Gibran
Sincerely,
A Girl Who Understands
