Dear Ice cream,

I hate you and I love you.

I hate you because even though you are always on my mind, I'm not always on yours. You don't think about me when you're in my stomach and then obnoxiously turn into that extra roll of pudginess hanging over my jeans. You don't think about me when you violate the modern day health craze and act all "unhealthy" and make me feel bad about myself after eating you. You don't think about me when your sweet creaminess tastes so good on my tongue, but then you give me brain freeze.

I hate you because no matter what, I'm always craving you. I'm craving your sweet and chilling goodness. Always and forever. I hate you because every time I see you my stomach gets aroused and starts rumbling out mating calls that I am physically incapable of controlling the volume of. I hate you because you're not good for me and yet you drown yourself in hot, gooey fudge to make me want you even more. You also do this with pretty sprinkles, addicting cookies, chewy gummies, sweet chocolate chips, along with anything and everything else that makes my sweet tooth swoon. I hate you because you're my guilty pleasure.

I hate you because you make me love you SO MUCH.

I love your sugary taste that slowly melts in my mouth. I love that you're always waiting for me in my fridge after a rough day, always ready to soak up my tears with your milky goodness. I love that you're always waiting for me in the fridge even when I have my period, and I'm being unnecessarily emotional or witchy. I love that even if you're not waiting for me in the fridge, I can always count on you to be at a local establishment. Yes, it sucks that I have to pay for you, but I love that you are worth every penny. I love that eating you serves as a good pass time and can be used as a way to hang out with friends or family. I love that everyone loves you. I love having you in my life.

So despite my hatred of craving your sweet chill over my taste buds every second of every day, I love you deeply. This sweet love will never diminish because I need you in my life. I need you to be there for me when that guy never called me back or I failed that test I studied so much for. I need you to be there when my premenstrual syndrome is at its peak, and I need three pints of you to soothe my bloated soul. I need you to be there, always and forever (If you understood this One Tree Hill reference I keep using I applaud you).

I need this love-hate relationship in my life. So please, even though I'm needy and my spoon can sometimes be a little clingy, never leave. Never stop tasting the way you always do. Never stop making me crave a million mouthfuls of your soft flavorful milk fat. Never let me stop hating you and loving you.

P.S. If I just had a whole carton of you, by myself, should I expect to vomit sometime soon? Also, if I was alone while wearing sweats and watching re-runs of Friends that I've already seen about a thousand times, do I need to get out more?

Best regards,

Your Sweet Soulmate