Dear High School Crush,

You were the Jake Ryan to my Samantha Baker. I would peer out my window in the dramatic hopes that you would be leaning against your red trans am (your green mercury) waiting for me with an expensive cake and to sweep me off my feet. Seeing you in the hallway or watching you on the football field during cross-country practice was the highlight of my day, and I'm pretty sure you didn't know I even existed.

You are the one I will always come back to when I reminisce about the good parts of high school, when I twirl my hair in class in deep thought, and when I'm heartbroken. You are the one my friends and I would gossip about on the bus on the way home from track meets, and we prided ourselves on how you would never find out that we were actually talking about you because of the "clever" codenames we invented (ie: salmon, bass, trout...shark ;) ). Maybe it was just the potential of the chemistry that we could have that makes me feel the way that I do, but if you were to walk into this room right now, I would affirmitavely say "yes."

The first time we ever talked, I remembered butterflies swirling around in my stomach. My palms sweat, and I blushed beet red. To me, you were absolutely perfect and so much cooler than I was or ever could be. I thought your mullet was the coolest thing ever, your voice unique, and your quietness stoic. You had secrets hidden beneath that luscious flow of yours, and I wanted to know more.

Because I was so timid around boys, I imagined every possible (and impossible) scenario. All the while, I doodled your name all over my homework, scribbling it black before handing it in so that our teachers wouldn't notice. Asking you to homecoming senior year was one of the most stressful points of my teenage existence, and the fact that I even somehow had the gumption to ask made me feel like I was on top of the world. You may not know it, but you subconsciously helped me build confidence in myself and taught me that gumption is something all women should have from the day they are born.

Chances are, you probably aren't the one reading this, and I'm pretty sure you never will, and that's okay. I can't remember the last time we talked, or even saw each other - it had to have been before graduation. I hope you're doing well now. If you are reading this, I want to say thanks for being my high school crush - the Jake Ryan to my Samantha Baker.

But despite the many fish that are in this sea, you were the one and only fish that got away.