Dear God,
Where do I begin? I think there are just things I need to say to you that I cannot fully express in prayer, instead, I'll tell you in the way you have shown me I do best: writing.
First, I just want to remind you how hard this journey as a Christian has been for me. You know as a young Christian I have tried to veer away from old sinful habits. The profanity came to a halt, even small white lies vanished from my mouth, but fornicating tugged at me. I struggled and I struggled, I swore it wouldn't happen again. I prayed, I cried and beat myself up over it. Until I finally decided it was my lack of faith that hindered me. I told myself it wouldn't happen again, but deep down I knew I would do it again. It ate me alive. Just about every time before I had sex, my boyfriend would ask me if I was sure or he would just look at me in a questioning manner. The guilt was enough to turn my stomach. But I did it anyway. One day I literally felt like I could hear You say to me: "Heather, you seriously have to stop this." So I cried, and in defeat, I threw my hands up and turned it over to You because I could no longer take the guilt. I was ready to stop.
During a small bible study at my church, we were in John. When Mary told Jesus to make wine, she didn't just tell him to do it, she knew he could do it. She had complete faith he could do it. My bible study teacher said, "How many times have you prayed, but you still didn't believe it would really happen?" Then it hit me, "OH MY GOSH THIS IS WHY I'M STILL HAVING SEX!" I'm still having sex because I didn't fully believe I would stop. Yes, I was praying that I would stop, but it wasn't doing me any good because I didn't have 100% faith that I would stop.
I kept having sex because all my life society told me that it was okay. It was hard for me to understand that I no longer could listen to society. From now on I needed to listen to God and I needed to really let go of what society has taught me. Because now I have a new teacher: God.
I finally got the situation under control. I had the will power to say no to temptation. If I have ever doubted you, and I'm sure I have, I am truly sorry. Because this situation alone shows me just how powerful you are. It really shows me how much you really care about me. You amaze me every day, but that day really moved me and strengthened my faith.
Although I fail You daily, You never give up on me. You keep working on me, you keep doing amazing things inside of me. Every day you make me hungry for your word. You keep giving me faith in things that I never dreamed of having faith in. I know I will always struggle with things, but you remind me every day that I shouldn't give up and that the end result is worth all the hard work now.
Love always,
Your daughter, a work in progress
1 Corinthians 10:13 "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."
