I want to start by saying you're not alone. For as long as I can remember, these feelings would come and go. I never felt like I had a place where I belonged. I started noticing it around middle school, which is an awful time for everyone I will admit. I had friends and I had grades so I never felt like I had a reason to be feeling this way so I just kept it all in.
I felt like there was so many people struggling in the world and my problems were minuscule and didn't deserve attention, but the thing I've learned over my time dealing with all these things I was feeling was that It wasn't my fault and I really couldn't control them. I spent some time in counseling and things were better for a while. I was looking forward to high school, everyone said it would be so much better. In so many ways it was but in others, it just kept getting worse.
I wanted so badly to have a place where I fit into the puzzle. I tried to get involved in so many ways in a place where they pushed and pushed every student to try everything and I had nothing to show for it. I didn't want to even bother anymore. But here is where my story gets a little better. I joined the yearbook staff and got to do something I loved every day. It may not have been exactly what I had thought but I loved every second I spent on staff and even better than that I was good at it. I ended up getting an editor position. I had finally found where I belonged.
But again, I began to dwell on all the rejection I had faced in my first years of high school and even though I had a place I still felt all alone. Just know that despite what you may feel, you are not alone. I know I wasn't, but sometimes it just felt that way. I spent some time in a pretty dark place. I am way too hard on myself, and I think that is the biggest step in making yourself better.
Just know that it's OK to have these feelings and it's ok to ask for help, whether it is a friend or a professional you should never feel shame in wanting to make yourself better. Know it may not fix everything permanently but I have come to learn that life is just too short to be anything but happy.
If you're curious about where I am today, I'm a work in progress, but who isn't. Let's just say it's not exactly typical to come at semester to a school and jump into everything that much later than everyone. That isn't exactly by the book. Not to mention I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years which is most definitely not "normal" during this time in my life.
But regardless I finally feel like I have found where I really belong. I am at a school I love with my friends, I joined a sorority and gained more than a hundred new sisters, and I'm looking into getting more involved on campus. Things are changing for me. I hope my story reassures you that you are not alone in this and that you will find your place.
