Dear Pet,

I noticed you won't let me into the bedroom anymore. I'm only left to assume it is because you're upset that your favorite ball of strings you call a sweater was reduced to, well, a ball of strings. Let me start off by saying, I'm sorry you left it on my bed.

I've also noticed that you leave the hall light on when you go to bed. Might I say, stop it. It's so hard for me to creep if you can see me. I know you nearly fell down the stairs when you forgot I was sitting there, but why should I be punished for your clumsiness?

Also, I prefer the left side of the bed mostly towards the center, so if you could confine most of your sleeping to the right side of the bed, I would appreciate that. Remember, my absence is not an open invitation.

Let me just mention, I don't know why you made that ear-piercing noise when I brought my present to you. After all, it was your birthday. I was quite proud of myself and expected a good scratch behind the ears, but instead, you shrieked and threw my present into the garbage. It was still alive, you know!

I know how much you enjoy my late night opera. I've been practicing and can go on for quite a bit now. I've also decided to shift my times from just after you've gone asleep to right before your alarm rings. Please, contain your excitement. That slipper nearly hit me.

It hasn't been all bad this week. You haven't forgotten to prepare my dinner, although a little more wouldn't hurt. You've remembered to leave my toys just where you found them and might I add, you've become quite nimble with traversing my romper room. Your lap was very comfortable, although I'll never understand how you could sit and watch a blinking box.

I guess what I'm trying to say, human, is that you're lucky to have me.

Love,

The one and only cat