Dear Past Self,

Let me just start out by saying this: you made it to 20 years old. Yes, I know that there are points at which this seems like a very unlikely fact, but the truth of the matter is that you did it. You succeeded. You lived.

I know that there are points at which you feel incredibly weak, but that's just your brain playing tricks on you. You are indescribably strong and no matter what life throws at you, somehow you fight through it. You may think that because you are suffering, you are inadequate but you just don't realize yet that the fact that you are living in spite of your suffering proves you wrong. You are powerful and brave and everything that you think you are not.

Sadly, your insecurities get the best of you. You spend these next few years isolating yourself from people, constantly worrying that everyone secretly doesn't like you. And yes, even in the present there will be times when you will catch yourself falling back into the mindset that the world secretly despises you, but it will be much less intense and infrequent. You will meet someone who will force you out of your comfort zone, refuse to let you hide your way through life, and give you the push you need to actually start living life rather than just existing through it. You will be forced to change your thought process and systematically desensitize yourself from the things you are afraid of. Once this happens your entire situation will change for the better.

You are going to lose some friends along the way, but just know that it's for the best. You will be much happier once you learn to cut negative energy out of your life. It's toxic to constantly be surrounded by so much anger and hostility. The people that you need to leave behind only bring you down, and ultimately keeping them around will do you a great amount of harm. It is not your job to save everybody, and although you may not want to hear it, there comes a point where you have to put yourself and your well-being before your "friends." But it will take you a good amount of time to realize this and until you do there will be some dark days. Just know that eventually you will come to your senses and although it will feel weird at first, eventually you will realize that it was an unfortunate necessity.

Now let's talk about the things that you have to look forward to in the future. You will go off to college, get out of your tiny town, and finally get your fresh start. It is here that everything will change for the better. You will meet the most amazing people and gain the type of friends that you can only dream of as a teen. They will truly become your second family and will do everything in their power to lift you up rather than drag you down.

There will be travel and music (so much music) and parties and late nights spent doing all the shenanigans that you dreamed of as a teen. You will move into an apartment with your best friends, realize that you deserve to be happy, and will find the resources you need to move on from your past.

You will become a new person, and although your past will always remain a part of you, it will not keep you anchored down. Instead, it will just be a scar, a reminder of what you've been through, how you fought past your demons, and how you came out on the other side alive and prosperous. As cheesy as it sounds do not let your past define you, because it has made you into the new person that you are today. You become that reborn phoenix that you are so interested in becoming, and once these next few difficult years are over you can truly start to build the adventurous life that you have always wanted and deserve.

Love,

The New You