Hi there,

We haven't talked in a while now. I'm sure you're doing well.

I've seen you driving around town time a few times in your car. The car that we drove to Seattle so many times in, the car that we drove to our first date in, where we listened to so many songs that mean so much to me. The car that makes my heart drop whenever I see it on the road, even though it isn't you driving it.

I hope your summer is going well. I keep getting flashbacks to this time last year. The summer we fell in love. When we would spend nights laying in your bed and talking about the next year, about how scared we were for everything to change. Where I poured my heart out to you so many times. When we would go get takeout from hidden spots in town and eat it down by the water. The summer where we ran around without a care in the world. The summer when I knew everything was about to change but I kept pushing my thoughts back, pushing the thoughts of breaking up and new schools and growing apart to the back of my head where I thought I could forget about them.

But inevitably those thoughts came out. And things got messy and I got upset and acted too fast and everything was ruined in a few words.

And we were left in a place neither of us wanted to be, but in our different ways we both thought was right.

So, the school year came and went and we grew into ourselves. Both at our different schools, you found your frat brothers and I found my sisters. We made new friends and we both met new people. But for me, none of them really compared. You already know that though; I sent you too many late night texts and left too many muffled voicemails. My thoughts were blurred and my secrets I didn't really want you to know were delivered anyway in misspelled words and mixed up sentences.

That's where I screwed it all up.

I really think that we could have been friends, that's what we both wanted after all. To go to school and still keep in touch and make sure the other was doing alright and occasionally hear about classes and Greek events and football games and new friends and our separate lives.

I miss you, I really do. I still want those things, to catch up and have it not feel forced and to still be in each other's lives. But, as I know all too well, life happens and we don't always get the ending we want.

So, I'm moving on. It's been a slow process, and trust me, I've wished so many times that there was some off switch and I could just forget about you and leave you as a part of my old life; my high school life, my life in my hometown.

And it gets easier every day. I don't feel the urge to text you each time a song that reminds me of last summer comes on, and I don't feel my heart drop when I drive past your street, and I don't get a catch in my throat when I see pictures from a year ago and think of our time together.

I'm starting to see that I should thank you, really, for those months together. Instead of being sad when I think about them, I should think about how much I've learned since then. How I've realized how fast our relationship picked up speed and how I got too attached too soon. I've realized that not all love has to feel so frantic and so exhilarating and consuming.

Thank you for showing me what it means to be loved, truly loved, for the first time in my life. For that, I will always hold you in a special place in my heart.

Thank you for being my first love.