Dear Dick Pic Contributors,
To quote Kelly Kapoor, "I have a lot of questions. Number one: How dare you?" Which leads me to the following line of questions: What led to your decision in sending such a scandalous photo? How much prep time went into this process? How did you decide on the perfect shot? Are you not at all concerned about such a photo ending up in the wrong hands? I could go on.
And so, I will. The confidence you have in your manhood is astounding. The majority of folks I know do not parade their privates around town. But you, you just know in your heart that you have got it going on down there. At least, that's my assumption based on your actions. I believe dick pics are ridiculously hubristic gestures. However, perhaps the truth is that you are rather insecure. Insecure enough that you felt the need to send a photo of your penis to someone, someone you probably don't know that well, in hopes of receiving a reassuring response.
I'm curious: best-case scenario, what exactly were you expecting in return? In my experience, you should prepare yourself for responses similar to that of the following: No reply whatsoever, jokes at the expense of your self-proclaimed photogenic penis, or, my personal favorite, a photo of a random penis found online. You know, to reciprocate the gesture.
All of the above seem like perfectly reasonable reactions from the tail-end of a dick pic message. Now, after receiving a response, or perhaps not, what comes next? Did you think this through? I can only imagine what you have in store for someone after sending him or her an image of your penis. I would put money down saying that the photo you sent was not requested of you. This leads me to believe that you did, in fact, have a purpose behind your actions. So please, enlighten dick pic receivers everywhere. Explain your thinking. We’re interested in what you have to say!
Here, a dick pic recipient will go first. Reactions I, as a female, have had to unsolicited dick pics include but are not limited to: disgust, panic attacks, yawns, and the realization that I just received a potential blackmail opportunity. Don't worry, I have never acted on the latter reaction. However, please know that is a real possibility that you just handed someone when you send them a dick pic.
Please do not mistake my humorous tone for a lighthearted response to unwarranted dick pics. I feel safe in saying that 99 percent of the time, I am not interested in a terribly angled, blurry, dark photo of your penis. Consider talking about it with the person before you hit send, so as to save some face and maybe the relationship you are looking to form with that poor human.
Sincerely,
A Disgruntled Dick Pic Recipient
