Dear Heart,

I love you and I hate you. I love you for letting me love people unconditionally but I hate you for letting me get hurt. I hate you for all the times you've gotten my hopes up for something that just wasn't going to work out. Did you ever think of the consequences of your actions? Did you think about how the late night, all alone heartache I would feel? Did you stop to think about the mess I would become the first time you were broken? Was that little bit of happiness and love worth all this pain we're both stuck with now?

I'm mad at you right now. It may seem childish to some but, I never want to use you again. You betrayed me and I need someone to blame, so i'm blaming you right now, Heart. It's your fault that we were in this situation in the first place, bud. Why did you let me get so attached? Why did you let me get so used to this routine? How did I become so dependent on the idea of love? Why is it so hard to go back to the way things were before?

I hate you... but I am willing to give you a second chance. I know you just got caught up in all the feelings and new experiences and I think you will learn from this experience. I don't want you to change yourself just because we got so hurt this time. Next time could be different. Next time will be different. I think it's absolutely infuriating when people say that time heals all wounds. Time doesn't heal shit. It just makes everything more bearable and you learn to live with the way it is now. Let's take some time and learn how to stand on our own two feet again, Heart. I need you and although you let me get hurt, I think you did it with the best intentions in mind.

So even though I hate you, I still love you, Heart. One day we will find the right match and I won't have to be mad at you for leading me astray. I don't even understand why you got so worked up in the first place? This definitely is not the end of the world, so why have you been acting like it is? Stop feeling worthless and like you'll never love again. It's time to remember who we are and start just living life to the fullest again. Every day is a gift filled with untold mysteries and magic. You never know what is going to happen in life, so let's just work on being the best us that we can be. I am proud of myself and I won't let anything so trivial get me down ever again. I love myself and most importantly, I love you, Heart.

Love,

A girl getting over her first of many heartbreaks