Dear you,

I want you to know one thing, you pulled the floor from underneath me. Ever since that day, I have been falling and I don’t know how to make it stop.

The truth is, I don’t hate you. You may think I do because I don’t speak to you or look at you, but I from the bottom of my heart, I don’t hate you. I don’t look at you, because every time I do, my heart breaks more than it already has. I stopped talking to you because it was only me speaking and it was never you. Because I was the only one with something to say and you seemed to be at a loss at words. Because you were still my best friend, but I knew for a fact I wasn't yours anymore. Because I thought that one day, everything would go back to the way it was. I know better now that it never will.

I woke up one day saying to myself, why even bother. Why would I put all the effort in, to receive none? I woke up one day saying, what you did to me wasn’t fair. You left me hanging with no answers to any of my questions. Even if you tried now, I don’t think I’d want to know anymore.

I wanted to know everything that was going through your head. Every emotion thought and desire. My pride held me back from trying to talk to you and having the whole situation make sense to me. I realized it wasn’t really worth it. It wasn’t worth hurting myself more knowing the truth. I would rather leave it on a cliff hanger.

I hate myself because I can’t hate you. Regardless of what you have done to me, there is nothing in me that can make me hate you. I think it was somewhere between the memories of you making me laugh, when I thought I’d never smile again, or when you would hold me at my breaking point. I can never hate someone who made me as happy as you did. For that, I hate myself.

I know one day you’ll realize you lost the one person who was actually there for you, but you’ll never tell me. You’ll keep to yourself as always and walk on eggshells whenever you see me. Wondering if I somewhere deep down hate you. But ask yourself this. Can you really hate someone who made you that happy? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

And maybe one day you’ll stumble upon this and read it. You might think to yourself that this whole time I had it all figured out or that I had found the answers on my own. Maybe, this isn’t for you at all. Maybe this is for me. To give myself the closure I needed to be happy again. I needed to find myself. I had to surround myself with people I knew that would never make me question myself like you did.

I was always told that your heart belongs to the person you look for in a crowded room. And for some odd reason, something draws me to you every time.

Love Always,

The Girl You Pulled The Floor From