To My Biological Father, I Was Never Your First Priority
Start writing a post
Relationships

To My Biological Father, I Was Never Your First Priority

I didn't know what to think.

6756
To My Biological Father, I Was Never Your First Priority
Mara Hashuga

You and my mom have been divorced since I was four years old. I used to see you regularly and to be honest, things were pretty civil between you and my mom. You still worked nearby and would drop in while we were decorating the Christmas tree to help me put the star on top, and everything just sort of worked. As the years went on, you started dating new people and getting serious with them. That's when things began to change.

I was blind to it, but your girlfriend at the time really played a role in the relationship you had with me. She was always jealous. You couldn't even come to the door to pick me up. No no, she had to because you weren't allowed to interact with my mom anymore. I saw you less and less, and by the time I was ten, around the time you got remarried, you were basically not even a part of my life, well, besides the text messages I'd get about twice a year saying "Happy birthday" and "Merry Christmas".

Fast forward a few years, you texted me asking to hang out. I was really surprised and I agreed to go to dinner with you. We talked and things seemed to pick up where they left off; it was pretty nice. I know now that the reason you messaged me was that my mom found out you were having problems in your marriage and gave you the opportunity to come back into my life. You took her up on the offer, but if she hadn't messaged you would the thought have even crossed your mind?

I'm honestly not sure what the answer would be, but after a few months of things going well, something obviously had to happen to mess it up. You and your wife made amends without me realizing it. You took my best friend and me to a fun haunted house when we were in seventh grade, and she was sleeping over afterward. She knew the situation and hated my stepmother as much as I did. When we walked in the house, we saw heels. I was pretty sure I knew what this meant, and I was not happy. As the night went on we realized she was definitely back because we heard her talking upstairs. She would not come down at all the entire time were there.

I didn't know what to think. Things were going so well and now this? Was it going to go back to how it was before? So many questions crossed my mind, but after a few weeks, nothing seemed to change. I thought maybe your wife finally matured, or maybe you told her you were still going to be apart of my life and she just accepted it. There were so many possibilities, but I really didn't care; I was just happy with how things were working out. You knew I wasn't a fan of her, so you kept us separate. If you had plans with me, it was just common knowledge that she wasn't going to be a part of them, until one day that wasn't what happened.

It was the night before Father's Day and I was sleeping over your house after we went out to eat with some family. When we walked into the restaurant she was there with her parents. My phone didn't have much of a charge to it, but with the battery, I did have left, I texted my mom. She told me she'd pick me up if I wanted, but I told her no.

Tomorrow was Father's Day, and I wasn't ruining what we had finally fixed. You, of course, had me sitting between you and your wife, (which, for the record, I was not happy about). She made a few awkward attempts to show me pictures of your dog, but I was not having any part of her, and I made that clear. I couldn't believe this was starting again after things were actually going well for a change. The insanely long night slowly came to an end, which I couldn't have been happier about.

The night ended in a fairly average way. We went home and watched some TV until we both fell asleep. After waking up the next morning, we got ready to pick up my pap and go out to breakfast. On the way to his house, we just had a normal conversation as always, until you brought up something I never expected. You asked me why I don't talk to your wife. I was totally dumbfounded. It was obvious that I didn't like her, but being the person I am, I tried to avoid conflict.

I just said I didn't know and tried to change the subject, but you were persistent. We had a long conversation until picking up my pap, then I didn't say a word the rest of the ride to breakfast. While eating, I just gave simple one-word answers and waited until I could finally go back home. This meal, like the one the previous night, seemed to be endless, but afterward, you took me right home. We didn't say much during the car ride home, but after what had happened, I was totally okay with that.

You dropped me off and I told my mom what had just happened. She called you and told you how this all was making me feel. You said you'd call me and try to talk to me about everything. I waited for a phone call that never came. The next day I ran in my first 5k race, and a week later you texted me asking how it went, but I refused to respond.

I didn't talk to you for years, but at the beginning of my senior year, I started the dual-enrollment program, which was pretty expensive. We asked you to chip in a little bit more money each month to help pay, but you wouldn't even respond to us. This was the last straw for me and my mom. She was sick of you not being there for me, and we decided to take you to court. You had gotten off with paying about half of what you should each month, and you couldn't even help out with my education.

I waited nervously for the date but had to sit in the waiting room once we got there. My mom came with only me and my stepdad for support, but you decided to get a lawyer to fight against your own daughter was necessary. You walked right past me when leaving the building without saying a word. You were officially ordered to pay more money and you weren't happy about it, but we figured you knew it was coming.

The night before the first day of school, you sent me a text message striking up a conversation. I was really confused but came to the conclusion that you figured you might as well talk to me if you have to pay more money. Boy, was I wrong.

A few days later we got the letter in the mail telling us when the next court date was; you were fighting it. I couldn't believe this was happening, but when the date came around, we went to the courthouse. This time I was allowed inside to listen, but I couldn't give my input. You and your lawyer had tried to build an argument against us, but it didn't work as well as you'd planned because we still won.

I haven't seen you since then, and I haven't physically spoken to you since the Father's Day incident. I recently found out your wife is pregnant, giving you a new opportunity to be a dad, instead of just a father. Many people would be bothered by this, and hope for you to fail with your second child, but that is in no way what I want.

I hope you do everything for this child that you never did for me. The world has a way of making things happen, I think you have been given a second chance to truly be a dad, and many years ago I was given a second chance to truly be a daughter. My mom got married in 2009 to a man who is more of a father to me than you'll ever be. Even though he is technically my stepdad, he's never referred to me as anything besides his daughter, because that's what I am. You're not my dad, you're my biological father, and you'll never be anything more than that to me.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

91908
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

70270
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments