A Letter to the Abused Worried About Going Full Circle

A Letter to the Abused Worried About Going Full Circle

You're not alone, and you can do this
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To the abused who’s wondering if they’ve just gone full circle:

I am you. I’ve sat here and cried to myself wondering if they’re turning into the abuser or being abused again. Sometimes it’s one, sometimes it’s the other, sometimes it’s both. Any way it is, it hurts you so bad your stomach feels like it’s folding in on itself.

At first I wondered if I would turn out like him, the boy who controlled me and tried to force me to leave everything I loved to be with him. I was afraid my fears of my new relationship turning out like that one would turn me into telling him who his friends could be, what he could do without me, where I would go when he was around. I was afraid that making him make a decision about us made me abusive and not just firm in my beliefs. I know now I was right to stand up for this.

Then came the fear he would become the same; The same as my abuser in a romantic relationship. The same as the abusers in my family relationship. I was afraid he would decide I wasn’t as important as he was. That my problems were less than his, my hobbies were on the back burner while he was supposed to be my only interest, and he would decide my friends were stupid and his were fantastic. I was afraid we’d be fine for 25 years and then the fighting would start and he’d decide he didn’t love me anymore. He’d break my heart in so many pieces in so many ways he wouldn’t even understand.

And finally, the realization. This relationship was different from everything else, but those reminders, a show, a song, a sentence, an opinion, they send me back to that moment in time when the memory happened and I’m small, weak, useless. He doesn’t understand because he’s never experienced it. My mind is scarred and still bleeds sometimes when the wounds haven’t healed much. And it’s not fair it affects us now. I should let you pay for your own mistakes, not theirs.

So my suggestion for you is to sit back when you’re mad, or disappointed, or torn. Look at who you’re with and ask yourself, “is this because of what they did or what has happened before them?” Look at everything and write, sing, meditate, sleep, whatever helps you clear your head. If they really love you, they’ll wait. Just make sure they’re mistakes are their own and not your past’s.

With all my love,

A Girl Trying to Heal

Cover Image Credit: jane_hughes' Flickr

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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I’d Much Rather Celebrate Valentine’s Day With My Single Girlfriends Than Any Guy

Bring on the pizza and ice cream because Valentine's Day is Girls Only this year.

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Being single during any time of the year is difficult, but it can be even harder with Valentine's Day quickly approaching. People either love it or love to hate it. It's a day filled with dramatic romantic gestures, carefully planned dates, and an abundance of roses and chocolates. Well, at least for some it is. The pressure to have a "Valentine" as well as have the perfect evening is so high that in my option it completely takes the fun out of the day. So this Valentine's Day, I won't be stressing over the perfect outfit, restaurant or date. Instead, I'll be deciding if I should have another slice of pizza while my girlfriends try to figure out which cheesy rom-com we should watch next.

I don't hate Valentine's Day, I actually think it's really romantic. I think it's great that some people find happiness in grand gestures and extravagant presents. When I feel about someone strongly enough, I'm sure I'd do the same, but as of right now I don't. I don't want to be someone valentine or worry about finding the perfect gift. I want to focus on myself and just have a fun night with my girls. We worry so much about what everyone has to say about the things we do that often times we don't make any decisions for ourselves. Be a little selfish and do only what you want. Order too much food, break out the wine, and enjoy a stress-free night with the people that mean the most to you.

You will find me on the couch with my sorority sisters most likely catching up on "The Bachelor" or ruining our diets with dollar store sweets. And yes, I know there's an unofficial holiday already called, "Galentine's Day" (which I will be celebrating too) that's for ladies celebrating ladies. Who says you can't do it two nights in a row? Who says that Valentine's Day has to be a day spent with a romantic partner?

This is me telling you to take this day to have some fun and ignore the pressures society (and ourselves) put on ourselves constantly. Surround yourself with the people who support you; the ones who stick around through it all and love you unconditionally. If you still want to stay in the festive mood, you can exchange valentines with your friends and treat each other with chocolate hearts. And if you want to celebrate Valentine's Day with your significant other, go ahead, I'm not stopping you.

So, no matter what Valentine's Day for you is, celebrate it however you want. Dress up to the nines and have the night of your life. Stay in, order takeout, and fall asleep watching a movie. Hang out with your girlfriends, guy friends, or both! It doesn't matter how you do Valentine's Day, but rather who you spend it with.

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