A Letter to the Abused Worried About Going Full Circle
Relationships

A Letter to the Abused Worried About Going Full Circle

You're not alone, and you can do this

15
jane_hughes' Flickr

To the abused who’s wondering if they’ve just gone full circle:

I am you. I’ve sat here and cried to myself wondering if they’re turning into the abuser or being abused again. Sometimes it’s one, sometimes it’s the other, sometimes it’s both. Any way it is, it hurts you so bad your stomach feels like it’s folding in on itself.

At first I wondered if I would turn out like him, the boy who controlled me and tried to force me to leave everything I loved to be with him. I was afraid my fears of my new relationship turning out like that one would turn me into telling him who his friends could be, what he could do without me, where I would go when he was around. I was afraid that making him make a decision about us made me abusive and not just firm in my beliefs. I know now I was right to stand up for this.

Then came the fear he would become the same; The same as my abuser in a romantic relationship. The same as the abusers in my family relationship. I was afraid he would decide I wasn’t as important as he was. That my problems were less than his, my hobbies were on the back burner while he was supposed to be my only interest, and he would decide my friends were stupid and his were fantastic. I was afraid we’d be fine for 25 years and then the fighting would start and he’d decide he didn’t love me anymore. He’d break my heart in so many pieces in so many ways he wouldn’t even understand.

And finally, the realization. This relationship was different from everything else, but those reminders, a show, a song, a sentence, an opinion, they send me back to that moment in time when the memory happened and I’m small, weak, useless. He doesn’t understand because he’s never experienced it. My mind is scarred and still bleeds sometimes when the wounds haven’t healed much. And it’s not fair it affects us now. I should let you pay for your own mistakes, not theirs.

So my suggestion for you is to sit back when you’re mad, or disappointed, or torn. Look at who you’re with and ask yourself, “is this because of what they did or what has happened before them?” Look at everything and write, sing, meditate, sleep, whatever helps you clear your head. If they really love you, they’ll wait. Just make sure they’re mistakes are their own and not your past’s.

With all my love,

A Girl Trying to Heal

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Everyone remembers the first time they went to one of the Disney parks. Spinning in teacups and having Goofy wrap his arms around my 8-year-old self were some of my fondest childhood memories, and I'm surely not alone in that.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

These Superfood Beauty Products Show Kale And Matcha Work For SO Much More Than We Thought

Just another summer's day with a cold glass of kombucha on my face.

I've been vegan for about six years now, so a love for fresh vegetables and superfoods has now become a core part of my being. Don't get me wrong. I love my indulgent, creamy pastas and truffle fries more than anyone. But I keep most of my focus on eating clean and healthy so I can indulge guilt-free.

But I'd say about a large part of my diet has always, unknowingly, included superfoods. Being Indian, lentils, beetroot, garlic, ginger, and whole grains have been core essentials on the family dinner table since I could digest solid foods.

Keep Reading... Show less

Now that college is around the corner for most if not all young adults, students once shook by a pandemic now have to shift their focus on achieving their career goals. As if we thought we had it together already! As an NYC girl, I have always seen myself as a hustler, hungry to advance my career in journalism by having one skill: working hard.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

5 BBQ Essentials Every Vegan Should Bring To Avoid Summer Cookout FOMO

You'll have your whole family drooling when you bring these goodies over too.

All vegetarians and vegans can relate when I say this: summer barbecues aren't fun when there's nothing you can eat.

Keep Reading... Show less

Kourtney Kardashian has decided to leave "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" after nearly 14 years and although we saw this coming, it breaks our heart that she won't be there to make us laugh with her infamous attitude and hilarious one-liners.

Kourtney is leaving the show because it was taking up too much of her life and it was a "toxic environment" for her.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

We Asked You How You Felt About Resuming 'Normal' Activities, And Some Of Your Answers Shocked Us

The New York Times asked 511 epidemiologists when they'd feel comfortable doing "normal" activities again, considering COVID-19. We asked our peers the same thing, for science.

Last month, the New York Times surveyed about 500 epidemiologists asking about their comfort level with certain activities once deemed normal — socializing with friends, going to the doctor, bringing in the mail. That's all well and good for the experts, but they are a very niche group, not the majority of the population. What do "normal" people feel safe doing? In certain states, we've seen how comfortable everyone is with everything (looking at you, Florida), but we wanted to know where Odyssey's readers fell on the comfort scale. Are they sticking with the epidemiologists who won't be attending a wedding for another year, or are they storming the sunny beaches as soon as possible?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments