Hey girl. I know 2018 was really rough to you, you had to deal with a lot of ups and downs, some serious heartbreaks, terrible mood swings and weird episodes and you're kinda ending the year on a bad note too. But you're strong as hell. You've been through hell and back a number of times and you're gonna get through it this time.
I have some things I wanna say to you to help you have a more positive year. First, stay positive! You only allow yourself to spiral more when you focus on the negative. Getting into that negative place stresses you out, stay positive and know there is always an end to this rain storm. Wanna know what else stresses you out? Time. Manage your time better. Schedule yourself a day off every once in a while, you deserve it. Going weeks at a time without a single day off really killed you this past quarter, you can't do it anymore. Don't excuse it by saying it just makes you more productive, it exhaust you. Also, stop letting money stress you out. You know the budget you need to have and you are so good about keeping it. Treat yourself sometimes, but not too much.
Finally start doing the things you've wanted to do all 2018. GET MORE CREATIVE! Write more, start journaling. You lose a great thought or idea everyday and you beat yourself up over it. Stop doing that, keep a journal with you and use it. Read more too! Every year you set a goal of reading at least 15 books and this year you weren't even close. You know you love and miss being able to read something that isn't a textbook. You really binged books these past two months and I'm proud of you for it. You notice how much you loved sitting down and reading for hours? It's been a long time since you felt that great. Get to it. Finally, paint and draw more. I know you're not very good at it but it really relaxes you and let's face it you have paint and colored pencils. Use them, turn your brain off and start drawing more. Who knows, maybe if you do it more you'll start to be good at it. How cool would that be?
Now some of the things I'm about to say more sound stupid but I believe that it'll really help you stay focused and positive. Write yourself little affirmations. You have a whiteboard, you have sticky notes. If you're having a bad day, maybe write yourself a little note to remind yourself that there is always tomorrow. Start going to yoga classes. You keep saying you wanna go, the school gym has them for free and you're gonna start having more free time. You have no excuse. It's only one hour, GO! Also, go to new places in the city. You live in a great place, go see more of it. You're not gonna live in Chicago forever (or at least I hope not) so experience it, enjoy it while you have the chance.
Some final things…
You've been a vegetarian for five years, telling yourself you'll go vegan one day. Try to have a vegan day, or couple days at least once a month. Ease yourself into something you've been dying to do for years. I'm not saying go full vegan this year, but let's start laying the groundwork for it.
And finally stop being so shy and scared. I know you've been shy your whole life and it won't be easy to put yourself out there. But this constant anxiety you have of meeting new people is starting to debilitate your everyday life and tear you up on the inside. I know it'll be so hard, but I believe in you. You're gonna have a great 2019.
