This past week, I've spent far too much time thinking about how far I've come in only a couple of years. A year changes us more than we have the time to imagine in the present. That's just the reality, but it's the challenges and the change we face that we discover who we are and who we're meant to be. Now, before I get too far down, I want it understood that I don't regret how far I've come in my life. No it hasn't been perfect, but I don't regret anything about how I got to the place I am now. We can only live in the present, not the past.
Dear 17 year old me,
It's been awhile since I've tried to teach you anything, and right now you're living one of the most nightmarish years you had in high school. I'm here to let you know that it does get better. College applications, sports, and extracurriculars have a lot of surprises coming for you, and the life you've come to picture for yourself won't come true in the way you always dreamed it. But you love the person who've become which is incredibly hard to imagine right now.
You will be happy again, and it won't come all at once. You'll be lonely sometimes and cry about how broken you feel. The people that made you this way will become the people you thank in a year. That may sound so hard to believe, but looking back almost three years later, I'm thankful for all my heartbreaking experiences. Most importantly, you learn to forgive people for who they are and how they hurt you. I'm here to tell you that's 100 percent possible.
Get comfortable being alone. I know right now you see this as a death sentence or an indication of your social incompetence, but you will thank yourself for it later. Learning how to become comfortable with yourself the biggest gift you can give yourself. At the end of the day, when your life feels like it's falling apart, the only person that's really going to be there for you is you.
Be open to new experiences and new people. Now I won't ruin your college experience so far for you but I just want you to know sometimes you're wrong about people. I know you commend yourself on your judge of character and your feelings, but you're gonna be wrong. When someone comes along and offers you an experience, take it. You can never have too many friends, too many experiences or too many mistakes that you learned from. In the next three years, you'll learn how short life really is and the importance of seizing every moment.
Time flies, kiddo. High school will be over in a flash, and the next thing you know, you'll be sleeping by yourself in your new college dorm room after your parents dropped you off. Although you're still not a really regretful person, you lived with a rush to move on to the next thing. I know you hate high school, you hate your hometown and you hate the people; but you will miss it, I promise you that. You'll miss Friday night football and the people and places that gave you your foundation. High school is high school, and it's not going to be the best four years of your life. But when living you're living senior year with the determination to get to college as fast as possible, you're gonna miss out. Life is far too short to be worried about anything except the here and now, but you'll learn that.
Boys suck and they always will. Although high school has beaten you to a pulp when it comes to the guy population, you'll overcome it. You will meet guy after guy that you think is the cutest, the nicest, and you can change him. No matter how much you like someone or the sweet things he says to you, you can never change him, and actions will always speak louder than words. If you have to chase him or text him "I have a question" so he'll respond, walk away and focus on you. Honestly, looking back, I wish you had run away at full speed ahead but that's not history. Now I have good news. You will be kissed and you'll meet a lot of frogs, but in that process you'll figure out what kind of person you need and won't ever want to settle.
You are SO strong and you don't even realize it yet. My final words of advice are this: pick your friends wisely but don't beat yourself up if you realize that they aren't your people. Friends come and go all the time. They may say hurtful words, but I promise you, you'll joke about every single day. You know exactly who you are, even when you're heartbroken and even though you're hurting. You are strong, nice, kind, and most importantly unapologetic about who you are. Last but certainly not least, life will not go as you plan because, let's be real here, you plan and God laughs. But regardless, you will love who you are in a way you never ever thought you would.
There's so much experience and heartbreak ahead of you, but you have the strength to conquer all of it.
Love always,
(Almost) 20 year old you
