Thoughts of Love

I was scared and afraid

unsure of what I was feeling.

I let my thoughts consume me

let them convince me what I felt was deceiving.

I could have loved you,

but you let me go.

Whether you loved me back,

I will never know.

Your happiness with someone new suffocates me.

The jealousy wraps it's grasp around my neck and

stops my breathing.

I think about you sometimes when I think of regrets

because the woman I am now you have not met.

Do you think of me still, or does the thought of me make you queasy?

You up and moved on, made it look so easy.

I still sit here drowning in words you cannot take back.

I push them away, "Please Sydney, don't relapse."

The problem is I care.

I cared before I loved.

I think that is why it hurts more then it normally does.

I just want your smile back in my life to brighten up my day,

you're understanding of me,

you made my anxiety OK.

I hope you're happy now even though that happiness suffocates me.

What should I have expected?

No one said love was easy.