Prior to leaving for college, most people told me that I should not try a long distance relationship. They said it would hurt me too much in the end; it is better to just move on and meet new people. I'm independent and like to make my own decisions, so I did not listen to them.
Our relationship felt like a movie. He made me so happy that I thought nothing could end it, not even the distance. I always thought these phrases like "Distance means so little when someone means so much" would prove to be true. I was wrong. One of the hardest parts about long distance was only being able to be there for someone emotionally, not physically. If I was sad and wanted a hug from him, I could not get one. His shoulder was the only one I wanted to cry on. He was the first person I wanted to celebrate with when something good happened. I couldn't do this.
I was living my relationship through the screen of my cell phone. I became so absorbed in talking to him 24/7 that I would miss all of the important events going on around me. Those events meant absolutely nothing to me if he was not right there by my side. I spent time at parties texting him so he could know where I was and what I was doing. The thing is, I was not doing anything at these parties except for texting him, so there was no point in being there. I also spent countless hours on Facetime with him instead of talking to all of my friends in my dorm. I was scared to meet new people, but I was absolutely terrified to hear about him meeting new people.
Our break up seemed like the end of the world. I felt confused, sad, lonely, and every other bad emotion possible. I tortured myself by reading our old messages and looking at our old pictures together. I thought about every memory we've made and how much I missed him. I questioned why long distance has worked for so many of my friends, but not for me. I spent time bawling my eyes out and dwelling over all of these thoughts. Though I am still hurting, I have come to a lot of important realizations.
Long distance held me back from living in the moment. I was oblivious to what was going on and what college is really like. It was a red light telling me to stop what I was doing, instead of telling me to go out, explore, and meet new people. I realized I felt more lonely during the relationship than I do now. I never noticed how many people are here for me for all of my ups and downs. They are there to give me a high five when I succeed, but also there to give me a hug when I need one. I am surrounded by people who love and care for me, so there is no need to rely solely on the one person who lives over 500 miles away.
Do I miss him? Yes, every day. Do I miss the distance? No, not one bit. I finally feel like I can be myself. I feel like I have more opportunities to learn and grow without being stuck. I feel more independent. I'm thankful for our relationship and what it taught me, but I am even more thankful for what I learned about myself when it ended.
