I had been told for far too long that experiencing failure was the end of all dreams. My 10 years of childhood were spent in a rigid backdrop of rural Nepal where gender bias haunts even today. My society always led me to believe that as a woman, if I wanted to succeed, I had to be unique and the absolute best. Thus, competitiveness held a far too important a far too in my life.
For most of my early childhood, I strived to win every little thing that I took part in, even if it was a game of chess with my sister or a bet made with a friend. I left for India at the age of ten to continue my studying there. While most children would cry at the thought of leaving their homes, I was extremely excited and curious about what my life ahead was going to be like. Even before my journey, I had already begun to fantasize about how I would always come first in class and be the best student possible. While my dream to succeed and prove women empowerment in my society began as a strong determination, I never realized how and when arrogance raised its ugly head. When a friend would come to ask me for a math problem, I would sneer at him like he was stupid. Having witnessed no "real failure," I regarded those who failed like some sort of criminals. I remember the time when my classmate asked me a question I did not know the answer of. I was too afraid to reveal my lack of knowledge and taught him something wrong. Slowly, I even stopped working hard and although I still managed to get good grades, I had slipped behind by a large margin.
As time flew by, I went to a high school in another city in India. Amidst wide cultural diversity and highly determined individuals around me, I suddenly felt timid and afraid of myself for the first time in life. In fact, it was one of my classmate’s note about my arrogance that finally made me ponder upon my biggest weakness. I saw that while he too was greatly ambitious and a confident person, he genuinely helped people who needed his help. He openly talked about his weaknesses and never felt shy of them. I think his confidence yet his humility struck me as a real success. For the first time, I realized how and when I had failed in life.
Since then, I have genuinely tried to improve on my arrogance. While I am still confident and determined in my dream, I have learned that only when I admit my weaknesses, I can make new progress. Experience has taught me that success comes with humility and true confidence in one’s skills. I have learned to embrace failure and cling on to hope during difficult times. And while competition is still important for me, I never allow its result to define me as a person.
Even today I have his note that says “Arrogance diminishes wisdom.” Although the ends of the paper are slightly worn off, it still lies inside my diary in its worn-out greatness; a constant reminder that only when I accept and improve on my failures, I can move forward with my head held high.
