Hospitals have always been a place of mixed feelings. Many will proudly declare their hatred of this place, but yet, I cannot. The best and worst moments of my life have taken place in these halls. When my niece was born, and I saw her big brown eyes for the first time, the hospital was the best place in the world. That was the last time I had been in the hospital. That is, until I got a call that my mom had been taken there in an ambulance.
My dad has always said that hospitals smell like death, but I never noticed a smell. I noticed a feeling. As I walked down the hallway scanning room numbers, the feeling was undeniable. Suddenly the hospital was not just a place that held the warm memories of new life, but the doors became like a portal to a whole new dimension in which life and death coexisted. In that moment, when I saw my mom, it seemed as though all of time had come together. That is when I realized that the hospital is a place that creates life defining moments. They are experiences that are universal, yet unique. It is a place where lives continually flash before our very eyes, as we see life both enter and leave this world. The past, present, and future connect for a moment in which lives can change in just a breath.
That’s exactly what had happened to my family. In just a breath, my mom’s life was quite literally on the line. It was a time in which everything was unknown. Where there was no word that could even begin to describe how we felt seeing my mom in such a condition. It was what I had seen in movies, but I had never grasped that it was a very real reality. The word “flatlined” was thrown around along with “surgery.” Yet, I practically couldn't hear a word out of the doctor’s mouth because all I could think of was that I had almost lost my mom, could still lose her, and that I had let so much time go by without her knowing just how much I truly love her. It was a wakeup call to the reality that one day I wouldn’t have my mom. It was a perspective shift that allowed me to see time, love, and family in a whole new light.
Fortunately, my mom’s surgery went well and she went home, but beyond this, my heart had changed. It’s not as if everything magically had transformed into a new life, but time with those I love had become infinitely more precious as I realized that it was short. Moments that we experience every day shape who we are and how we act. What we do with these moments can give life new direction and meaning. After this experience, my life changed for the better. A painful memory became a warm reminder of love. In the end, I learned and grew as I came to realize:
- Time is short and life is unexpected: Live, love, hope, and dream like there is no tomorrow.
- Family is important and matters more than you know: A built-in support system that no matter how dysfunctional, will always be there for you in the end.
- Take nothing for granted: Enjoy every single moment with your loved ones. Every single cringe-worthy, annoying, yet beautiful, moments.
- Express your love whenever you can: I realized that I let my love for my family be a given instead of being something I actively pursued. I never said it or showed it nearly enough.
So, call your mom before she calls you. Watch the football game with your dad. Spend the weekend watching Hallmark movies and talking about your life with your sister. Because those were things I never really did before, but now, love and cherish more than anything.
