The Anatomy Of Heartbreak, Or Lessons About Love For My Younger Self

The Anatomy Of Heartbreak, Or Lessons About Love For My Younger Self

What I wish I'd known.

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rcdoerr
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No amount of metaphor will fix the damage that unrequited love does to the teenage heart. One day, you will find someone, you will look at them like they are magic, and they will look at you like you are not. Just because they do not love you back does not make them a galaxy or an ocean or a night sky or something poisonous inside of your veins—it simply means that they do not love you back. You will want to compare them to something so vast and infinite that you will not have to claim the responsibility of cleaning up their mess. You will do it anyway. You will still be magic without them.

You might cry for a day, or a week, or several months, and it will feel like your world is sinking in some kind of apocalyptic flood where you have forgotten how to swim. It might feel like drowning. It might feel a little like being shot. You will blame them and yourself in equal parts; remember that you are both still young and every problem fades with enough time and chocolate.

Remember that it is not your job to fix anyone. You will want to cut into them, change their minds, mold them into someone you can curl comfortably into the curves of. Don't. If they cannot change without you, they will never change with you. They may not know how to yet. They may not want to face the parts of themselves that you remind them of. Don't blame yourself for their fear.

There is no pain Ben and Jerry's ice cream can't fix.

Let yourself wallow, just a little bit. No one will be able to tell you to "get over it" convincingly enough to actually stitch you back together, so let yourself fall apart. The energy it takes to force together a star that wants to become a supernova is dangerous when held captive for too long. When the sun comes up again you'll remember that the galaxy actually didn't fall down around you while you were looking the other way.

Baring too much of your soul will always be better than hiding it inside of your ribcage. Don't just wear your heart on your sleeve, wear it in the soles of your shoes and the breast pocket of your favorite coat, too. There will never be a moment where there is too little of you left to give away, so be generous with yourself.

Let them teach you about yourself, your heart, others, and the world. Let them hurt you and support you and guide you through the mistakes, even if they don't know how those things will change you. Let them be, and don't despise them for being something you didn't think they were. Forgive.

Love yourself in the end. That will be the only happy ending you ever need.

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Open Letter To The Boy Who Didn't Appreciate Me

I know, now, that what I have to offer is for someone who realizes just how spectacular I really am.
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Dear You,

You didn't give me enough credit. I put you on a pedestal; I praised you for everything you did right, and even when you did wrong, I still thought you were the greatest.

You see, I know what it's like to appreciate what is in front of me. I have loved, and I have lost. And when I found you and got to know what was deep down inside you, I began to fall for that. But that's not who you were. That's the person you wanted to be.

You wear a mask every day. You put on a big show for everyone around you. Well done! You have them convinced. But me? Not so much. I challenged you to really think about the person you wanted to be. The person you don't show to others. And for a while, you were that person for me. I got your best. And it was wonderful.

But when you were done putting in the effort to treat me with respect and love, it went downhill. When you stopped cherishing the time spent and the deep conversations shared, you resented me. You resented how I made you think further than your comfort zone. You resented how much time of yours I took. You resented the effort it took to be a better person for me. You resented my emotional nature and the huge heart God blessed me with. And it was hurtful.

But that's what I love about myself. I am not easily won over, or impressed. I don't want to settle for mediocre or half your best, I want rawness and wholeness. I want vulnerability. I want someone who isn't afraid to shout the way they feel about me. I want someone who is able to recognize I am a prize. I want someone to appreciate that I have opinions and I am a free thinking individual. I want someone to reciprocate the neverending love I have to give.

I am not a brainless individual. I am an intelligent being, with opinions and thoughts on the world around me. I am a loving and giving person. Always accepting, always patient, always generous. My love is rare. Mostly because I love without conditions. And you won't find that just anywhere.

My emotions were never yours to toy with. I trusted that you would take good care of me. I gave you some of the most precious pieces of me, but you played me for a fool. You left me unsatisfied with a broken heart and nothing to show for the time we spent together.

But I have come to terms with the truth. What I had to offer was much too great for what you were willing to give back. You were not ready for what I was able to provide for you. It frightened you. I wanted to grow with you. I wanted to learn with you. I wanted to build you up, pamper you, shower you in love. But then again, you showed me you weren't worthy. I had to pull myself up from my boot-straps, and move on.

I know, now, that what I have to offer is for someone who realizes just how spectacular I really am. And that was never you.

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36 Hobbies To Take Up If You Want To Be The Next Best 20-Something Grandma

Pursuing something with needle and thread is a good start

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Need a new hobby? Want to emulate a grandmother? Here are some great ideas for fun things to do in your spare time to get you ready to be the best grandma in 40-50 years!

1. Knitting

2. Baking

This hobby will also come with many friends wanting to try your creations.

3. Crocheting

4. Sudoku 

You gotta keep the mind healthy.

5. Crosswords

6. Cooking

7. Thrifting

Goodwill is your go-to for fabulous finds that won't break the bank.

8. Join a book club

Whether or not you actually read the book, either way it's a good way to socialize.

9. Yard Sale-ing

Don't tell me you didn't go yard sale-ing with your grandma at least once in your childhood.

10. Napping

11. Brunching

Food and friends (and a mimosa)... what's not to love about this hobby?

12. Spades

13. Hearts

14. Gardening

Figure out if you have a green thumb earlier rather than later.

15. Sewing

Being able to fix (or even make) your own clothes seems like both a creative outlet and a practical skill.

16. Antiquing

17. Cross-Stitching

Make some wall decorations for your room!

18. Power-walking

Why normal walk when you could speed walk?

19. Reading at 64-font on your Kindle

20. Read the newspaper

There's just something peaceful and nostalgic about reading a physical newspaper...

21. Collecting

Coins, dolls, you name it.... someone probably collects it.

22. Quilting

23. Rummy

24. Giving wise advice to those younger than you

25. Get a magazine subscription

26. Write hand-written letters to friends

It's fun and there is something so meaningful about taking the time to write it out and mail it.

27. Bridge

28. Curate a bomb matching pajama collection

29. Scrapbooking

Take your memories and add a creative touch... you won't regret it.

30. Tai Chi

I'm not a regular grandma, I'm a cool grandma...

31. Flower-arranging

32. Photography

Capture the moments of the loved ones around you!

33. Plan girls' trips with friends

34. Volunteer

Find time to give back to causes that you are passionate about!

35. Watch game shows

36. Watch soap operas

All the plot points and characters may be cringy, but they are so addicting!

Consider some of these hobbies if you find yourself looking for something to fill your time. When grandma-hood comes around, you'll be ready for it. And if you already do a lot of these things, well then we might as well go ahead and affectionately call you a 20-something grandma!

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