I know it's been awhile since we talked, and that's on me, I guess I just got caught up in my new world and forgot to make you a part of it. I do this more than I'd care to admit, but I guess it's just become force of habit, which I'm sorry for. You did nothing wrong, if anything you've done everything right and then some; it's me, I swear, it's 100% all me. And I'm sorry.
Life is a game of catch up, always trying to balance the next thing going on. At times I forget to enjoy the game I'm so focused on winning, and I lost you in the mix. It's unfair and you deserve better, you deserve someone who makes you a priority. In life there is no such thing as busy, it's a matter of priorities, you always have a choice. Sometimes I become so consumed with myself and what's going on I neglect to call or send a quick text, and now at this point we've drifted so far apart I don't know how to reach back out. My pride won't let me press send, and my heart will never let me forget it. A sick game I play by myself; I never lose yet I seldom win.
And that's how missing you feels; I have all these things I want to say and tell you, somehow express just how much I miss you, but I get mad at how emotional it makes me so I get angry and lash out instead. It's like everytime I come back, I'm so excited to be in my old life, but at the same time being back makes me feel suffocated by my past. I shut down, because I don't know how to do this anymore almost, it's been just me for so long.
Funny isn't it, how much changes when someone leaves, the status quo must adjust to the new numbers of players and adapt to the new rules. And the one who left must start playing a whole new game, totally different set of rules, and they get used to it after awhile. I got too used to my game I forgot how to play ours, and I need you to show me how again. I always want to ask when we're together again, but I don't know how.
I love seeing all the photos on facebook and instagram, you look great and seem to be doing even better. Maybe I'm flattering myself saying I left you behind, and you actually left me. I wish knew some days, wish I could understand what happened, understand what changed. I think about you all the time, but still can't bring myself to write, so instead I end up accidentally stalking you on social media and missing you even more.
I'm sorry I left you behind, you left me behind; it wasn't supposed to happen. I wish that I could go back to the last time, and hug you just a little longer. As corny as it sounds, it really is true, you really never know when the last time is going to be the last time.
