Dating in college is hard enough. Crazy schedules, school work, juggling a job and rent and generally learning how to be an adult. You may find someone, and you make it work, but it’s so much different than dating someone in high school. In high school, everybody has the same hometown. Your background is similar. You relate to each other on that level.

When I started dating my boyfriend, I had a lot to learn about different backgrounds. I grew up in a white, middle-to-upper class neighborhood, where people would get notices in the mail if they didn’t keep their lawn trimmed or bring their trash can up on time. Moms volunteered in the PTA and attended open house and emailed teachers about grades. My high school parking lot was filled with Mustangs and BMWs. Everyone had a house and a yard and a dog and a family.

My boyfriend lived in several different houses in one city alone. He once lived with ten people in a four-bedroom house. Nobody really cared about the upkeep of the neighborhoods he lived in. The adults were primarily working class. His single mother struggled to feed him and his two brothers, much less attend open house; she was at work. The car that he drives was his mom’s, then his brother’s, then his. He had to get rid of his dogs, and he doesn’t like to talk about his family.

I had to learn that some people’s parents can’t help them out when they’re a bit short on rent, like mine do. I have a job and work hard and pay for a lot of what’s mine, but I have that support. His mom asks him to pay him back if he dares to ask to borrow money.

It’s hard loving someone who doesn’t have the same means as you. You just want to give them everything they want and need. You’ll want to go out and buy a new car and phone and clothes and shoes. But at this age, you can’t help as much as you want. You feel guilty for being able to afford more, and then they tell you not to, they don’t need to be pitied, they’ll make ends meet somehow. Which makes you feel even more guilty.

But even if I have more than him, I’m still a college kid. I still have to scrape together rent sometimes, and make a choice between Chick-fil-A or a bowl of cereal at home. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be there for him.

I think the lesson here is that you just have to love someone, no matter what their background is or how much money they have. It’s a humbling experience. You learn that you can’t feel guilty, and you can’t give people everything. But you can give them love. And to me, that’s priceless.