I have hated my curls for nearly my entire life. When I was little, my hair was pin-straight. It fell to my shoulders in thick, glossy chunks, and I sported some fashionably uneven mid-forehead bangs that had about as much volume as a piece of paper. It was only when I was 10 years old when I saw the first signs of puberty, that my curls took shape. My parents both have curly hair, so I'm not sure why I was so shocked.

Nowadays, we have a lot of info on exactly how to take care of curls, but my middle school self-wasn't exactly 'in the know' on these things, so instead I reached for the smoothing shampoo in my mom's shower. I tried everything. De-volumizing conditioners, oils, serums, everything resulted in either a classic Jew-fro or a greaseball atop my head. In middle school, when girls are already batted down by low self-esteem, my hair quickly became a source of frustration and insecurity. I was a pudgy, tall, unathletic Jewish girl with a horrific set of braces and a mop for a head. I hated my own reflection.

Now, here's some quick Curl 101: frizz and grease are actually caused by a lack of moisture. Your hair is literally dehydrated, which makes it frizz up in search of water in the humid air and produce sebum to replenish the natural oils washed out by heavy sulfates in shampoos. These shampoos, by the way, are pretty harmful, and they dry out curly hair real fast. If you're fighting frizz, avoid the hair products with sulfates and silicones, they're only making it worse!

Of course, I didn't know any of this as a teenager, so I decided on the ultimate method of damaging my curls—heat. I became infatuated with my murderous hair straightener. My daily morning routine started at 6 a.m. with the angry hiss of my Revlon iron as it clamped down on my unruly curls, resulting in endless split ends and burns on my neck. Still, no matter how hard I tried, the humid Maryland air wouldn't let me be. I began to bind my hair in buns and ponytails, refusing to let it down unless it had been styled.

This is a pretty familiar story, I think, for most curly girls. Hair straighteners, ponytails, and braids are a common escape from learning to deal with and accept your hair as it is, and it's a sad way to live. There's a reason people say "Just let your hair down!" when they mean "Just relax!" Because hating your natural hair quite honestly sucks, and having it up all the time is an utter pain to deal with. You are who you are, and changing a very basic aspect of your DNA is not only difficult, it's impossible. When I got to high school, I decided enough was enough. Other girls had curly hair too, sometimes way curlier than mine! There was no reason I couldn't figure out how to take care of myself and my appearance without going against my own genetic programming. Self-love and all that, right? So I set out on the hunt for more products, and this time, they actually sort of worked.

I can't say my curly hair journey ended right then and there. Accepting yourself for who you are is never that easy, and I spent years experimenting with different creams and gels to get to where I am today. I can't say I didn't give up a couple of times either, letting myself sink back into the routine of straighteners and hair-ties. It's never smooth sailing on the road to acceptance, contrary to what so many self-care books might tell you, but I'm getting there. I love my hair. It's beautiful, and I wish more people would've told me that as a kid. I'd even argue that curls are a lot like the concept of beauty itself—versatile. Just as every curl is different, forming in varying patterns and structures, every manifestation of beauty is different too. Sometimes, it's beautiful to be neat and tidy, like the glossy sheen of light, cascading waves. But it is equally lovely to be messy, uncoordinated and free, like the coils of natural hair can be. It is beautiful to be different, and it is beautiful to be yourself.

A couple of months ago I finally graduated high school. The night before I faced a dilemma: do I straighten my hair for one of the biggest events of my life or leave it as is? I'd heard for years that curly hair looks 'unprofessional,' and I couldn't make a decision. Like the adult that I am, I asked my dad for advice. After a brief moment of thought, he responded, "Don't. You should look like yourself at graduation." I didn't straighten it.