You were there and suddenly in the blink of an eye, you were gone. I remember it so vividly. I left to go get something to eat and by the time my foot hit the door with the food, you breathed your last breath and in that moment my heart shattered.
Although I knew it was coming; it was not something I was ready to deal with. I was not ready to face the reality of a life without you. I was not ready to not be able to hear your voice again. I was not ready to deal with the reality of you not being in my life anymore. I was not ready to deal with the REALITY of having to say goodbye. I felt like I needed more time and that was not something I was forward the opportunity to have.
The second mother I had held on to for 19 years was gone. No more phone calls. No more laughs. No more hugs. My heart was broken and I lost one of the greatest gifts God gave me. The love of a grandparent is a love like no other. A love that doesn’t change.
Grandma, you took the time to love me when my dad could not. You stayed in my life and did whatever you could to make sure I did not miss out on the full experience of having a grandparent. You gave me every ounce of love you had to offer and I could not have been more grateful. In the moment you took your last breath, I flashbacked to graduation. I pictured myself walking across that stage: cords swinging and my tassel hanging there. I pictured your face with the biggest smile and although I couldn’t see your face I knew you were proud, you had been in my life for 19 years and you were there for one of the biggest days of my life. Flashback… I thought for a second and I realized I was there for one of your biggest moments of your life, the day you gained your wings and got to go home to Jesus. How could I even be upset?
Grandma, you suffered long enough. You were tired. You fought so hard. You were so strong. You were my hero.
One thing I learned when you passed was that you played a huge part in my life. You let me plan my life with you. You helped me find my passion for cooking and baking. I shared my dreams with you, my fears, my foolish ways, and most of all I shared a love. In turn, you taught me so many lessons about life, helped me shoot for my dreams and never let me feel you didn’t love me. You gave me happiness, security, laughs, and friendship. I learned that friends come and go, but your family stays with you forever.
Grandma, since your passing, you have taught me that death will come to all of us one day, but what we choose to leave others is what matters. You left me with an understanding of God’s love, a heart to serve, and a grandmother that will always be close to my heart.
Losing you hasn’t been easy and it may not be easy for a while, but it’s a process and I am taking you ever step of the way. I love you!
A Grieving Grandchild