Learning To Listen To Myself

I Trusted My Gut And Dropped My Sorority Right After Being Recruited

I have barely gotten my foot into the door of college life, but I've already proven to myself that I should start trusting my gut more often.

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I decided to rush over summer break, after attending student orientation at my university. I paid for registration and prepared outfits for each day, and I attended the summer social event. I truly went into the selection process with an open mind, as I did not research the sororities beforehand, and I really did not care which one I got into.

On the first day of the recruitment process, all of the girls attended parties hosted by each sorority. This was Philanthropy day, and in the parties, each sorority gave an overview of the organization that they supported, as well as the events they hosted on campus to raise money and/or awareness for their cause. Philanthropy day was also the most casual day, in which all potential new members wore a provided shirt and shorts of their choosing, along with some nice sandals.

After just the first day, I was dropped from four of the five sororities. On day two, we could attend up to four parties but were told to expect less than four invites. Of course, I was not expecting four invitations, but I certainly did not expect just one. I was not disappointed by which sorority it was, however. The girls were welcoming, relatable, and kind. I had a personal connection to their philanthropy and that had put them near the top of my list.

After the third day of recruitment, all potential new members were required to go to a group dinner with their assigned groups that they met with every morning before the recruitment parties to discuss what to expect. At this point, the past three days had just felt like one continuous day to me, and I really did not want to be there.

I wanted nothing more than to shower and go to bed, and anything but being at a karaoke bar where I ordered what I thought was the simplest thing on the menu but what took the longest to bring to the table. All I thought about while at dinner was dropping out of recruitment. I decided against it, mostly because I figured I was just having those thoughts because I was exhausted, frustrated, and hungry.

Bid Day came around two days later and I accepted a bid from the only sorority that didn't drop me. I felt like Bid Day was not as exciting for me as it was for most other girls there, because they were sitting on their bid for an hour, wondering which of their two top pick sororities chose them, whereas I already knew exactly who chose me. I've never been known to jump up and scream with excitement about anything, so I felt out of place among all the excited squeals of joy over girls finding their new home. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to try something new- I just didn't feel the need to scream about anything.

That night, I attended a pledge-in ceremony for new members and a sisterhood event. Again, the girls were so nice and welcoming but I still felt out of place. I wished I had dropped out of recruitment two days before because I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be pushed out of my comfort zone, but I knew Greek life just was not for me.

The next day I typed up some emails and dropped my sorority after just twenty-four of accepting their bid. Not before calling my mom and crying out of frustration, that is. All in all, after thinking about it, I realized that more often than not, I ignore my "gut feelings" out of fear of disappointing others or because I'm afraid I will look bad.

I had already posted all these cute photos on my Instagram after Bid Day, and I didn't want my friends to ask why I dropped after just a day. I didn't want to admit that I was already overwhelmed and I knew that starting my classes and being loaded with work wouldn't help any, but unfortunately that was the hard truth.

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