I'm a planner. I like to plan everything. What I am going to wear, what I am going to do and what I'm going to say when I get there. I like to have things a certain way and I get upset and anxious when things don't go as I planned. I am a very "type A" personality. I get it from my dad, he is the same exact way. If there is anything I have learned in the past several years, it's that nothing ever goes as planned.
At the start of college three years ago, the life I knew took a turn in a different direction that I didn't have control over. I felt that my life was completely changing due to a multitude of factors. This made me feel out of control and I felt lost. I clung to whatever I had left of what seemed to be my old life and did what any person at rock bottom does-- pray. I prayed for it to stop and for someone to save me from what seemed like an ocean of confusion. I felt like I was drowning. I woke up everyday wondering. "Why me?" and constantly wondering what was next to go wrong.
In moments that I feel overwhelmed, and feel like I have no control, I think of Proverbs 19:21-- "You can make many plans but, the Lord's purpose will prevail."
The things that happen to you and me, are a part of a much bigger plan that we have no control over. These things that happen to us have a purpose, a lesson to be learned, a door to be closed for a new one to be opened. It might not be apparent at first but there is a reason for everything. It might not be what we want but it is what we need in the eyes of God. This can be a hard thing to grasp when the one thing you have been hoping and praying for doesn't happen. And when this happens I must ask that you take a step back from your life, take a deep breath and let go. Let go and let God.
There was a reason for that rough patch in your relationship, that bad semester of school and that not so subtle fighting between your parents. They say God wouldn't give you anything you couldn't handle. You are more than any mistake or misjudgment you have made in this life. No matter how small you feel in this big world, God is listening to your prayers and is designing a specific plan just for you. It's just up to you to let go and let God.
The road may be dark but allow God to be your light in this dark part of your life. Allow Him to guide you in the direction that His plan puts you on. I know it won't be easy to put large amounts of faith into something you can't see with your own eyes or touch with your own hands but his plan for your life is greater than the one you have for yourself. Let go of the chains that are holding you back and let God take that burden you have been holding on to.
I am still working on this myself and I still have a long way to go. It hasn't been easy but letting go is all I can do because I know God has a better plan for me.
