I was lucky enough to grow up in a loving, open environment, and I knew that regardless of who I wanted to love, my family would accept me. However, this didn't change the fact that the thought processes that went on inside of me, for years, confused the hell out of me.

This article is my first time publicly coming out.

I identify as a demi-pansexual.

A big source of my confusion stemmed from these labels individually, what each one meant, and if it was possible to be both at the same time. Pansexuality is when someone feels attraction to all genders (cis men/women, trans men/women, agender, genderfluid, etc.) Demisexuality is when someone can only feel sexual attraction towards someone else after an emotional connection has been made. To me, these always seemed contradict themselves, in a way. It took me over 20 years to realize that I can exist as both and it doesn't make one more important than the other. I can love everyone regardless of what they have inside their pants, but not want to be intimate with them right away.

Although I did grow up in a very accepting home, another source of confusion that made me struggle with accepting my own sexuality were two of my ex-boyfriends. One of them was highly religious and conservative and frequently talked about how those who didn't identify as straight should "pray really hard about it" (his exact words, not mine). The other boy disguised himself as a liberal and accepting person, but behind closed doors, would talk mad sh*t on the queer community because another one of his exes left him for a woman. It's not that I needed their approval, but they made me feel shame and doubt for all the feelings I thought I might have had. To this day, they never knew I was anything other than straight.

A big question you may be asking yourself is why I feel so adamant on placing these labels on myself. My answer can be summed up in one word: identity.

I have struggled with my identity for as long as I can remember. Whether it was how I dressed, where I hung out, what classes I took, and so on, I have always struggled with how I was perceived and where exactly I "fit into." Putting these "labels" on myself has helped me become more comfortable in my own skin.

I know that there will still be people who will dislike these truths that I am sharing, they will deem it unnecessary to share, and to that, all I can say is: I don't care.

I don't care if my sexuality makes you uncomfortable, I don't care if you don't like it. Because I promise, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. I cannot help how I feel, I cannot help how you feel, but all I can ask is for you to listen, to understand and if you decide to, I would love to have you in the LGBTQA+ community as an ally.