I don't get sick very often. Ill? Yes. But full-blown "can't even sit up in bed sick?" No. All this past week, I've been sick with some kind of whatever that left me snotty, nauseous, with a fever, and aching everywhere. It was the absolute worst. It has proved to be an incredibly humbling experience that has taught me self-care and self-love in ways that I have long forgotten.
I've had issues with cyclical depression and minor anxiety for many years. I don't have access to health care to get appropriate treatment, so I have to manage in more creative ways. Things like natural supplements, artistic expression, playing video games, music, active spiritual lives, and active social lives are ways that I use to relieve stress and keep my brain focused.
When I'm sick, however, this becomes a lot more complicated. My means of making sure I'm healthy need to become much more rudimentary, and unfortunately, I struggle with that. I have to actively remind myself to take my medicine, eat, shower, and the like. When I don't have my normal routine, my brain kind of goes out of sorts. I'm not great at self-care, but I didn't want to admit that until I got this sick.
You don't realize how much of an impact good self-care has on your well-being until you can't take care of yourself on your own. By no means was I in a critical condition, but I was certainly sick enough that I couldn't go out, make meals, or even function like I normally would be able to. Thankfully, I have a mother who works well when one of her young is sick. She got my medicine when I needed it; she badgered me until I took it. She reminded me to eat even when I didn't want to, and would kindly "recommend" that I get in the shower when I felt particularly iffy. She cared for me until I felt better enough to remind myself that I should be doing all of these things.
While I was sick and in my phlegmy funk, I listened to a song on repeat that I didn't pay much attention to until a couple of days ago. The song was "Mother Earth" by Banks, and there was a line in that song that made me realize something. Part of why it has always taken me so long to get better when I get sick is that: I revel too much in feeling bad.
For the first time, this made me ask myself, "When will you get tired of feeling bad?" My answer this time was, "Now."
