The point in life and in growing up isn't just about working then dying, but learning about yourself so you can live a full life with little to no regrets. Learning about who you are is partially based on trying things and making mistakes, but another whole part of it that some people tend to ignore is realizing which of your parents you most resemble. And when I say resemble, I do not mean who do you look like more, but whose qualities you have and which are more dominant in your emotional and mental state.
People who like to ignore or refuse to admit which parent they are most like will usually have a harder time being happy in their life. And I'm saying this out of experience. For most of my life, I refused to accept and realize how I feel about things and how I act because I did not want to associate myself to that parent.
Growing up, I always wanted to be like my mom — look like her, act like her, the whole works. I always pushed away from the fact that I even looked like my father. What I didn't realize was that this made me constantly compare and judge myself because I changed anything I could to be like my mother and I hated myself for even looking like my father. Not that I do look exactly like and act completely like my father, but I hated the parts and qualities that were from him. Luckily, I look like both of my parents, and can look like either one depending on which parent I am standing next to. I also have qualities from both of them, but I just happen to have more of my father's traits.
I was lucky enough to attain my mother's good qualities of being caring and helpful in anyway that is presented to me, as well as having a strong maternal instinct. I was lucky enough to have my father's positive qualities, like being understanding, no matter the situation. But with being more like him, I got a lot of his bad qualities, too. I am forgetful, procrastinate, can be cold and cut off most of the time, stubborn as all hell, introverted, and have a resting face that makes me look unamused with everything.
Over the past couple of years, I have become more accepting of the fact that I am emotionally and mentally similar to my father and, because of this, I have found it easier to discover what I want in life, and have become happier from it. I also have gained more self confidence because I am now no longer as ashamed of the features that I have that are closer to my father's. I am now closer to him and can talk to him about a lot of things knowing that he has been through or has felt how I do, and helps me with advice on what I should do. From this, I can feel that I am mentally more stable just from the fact that I have him and know that I am not alone with things that I am dealing with.
I am not saying that you have to become best friends with the parent that you are most like, that's just my case. But what I am saying is that by learning who you most resemble in qualities that make you, you and attempting to learn about them will in then help you learn about yourself, and improve the relationship, even if the relationship still stays distance, at least it will be civil.
