Love is complicated. Especially once you reach a certain age. The pressure to meet someone, to feel chemistry, define the relationship and move forward with them begins pretty early on. I just graduated from high school one year ago and I can already name multiple people who have settled down with a significant other. And that is amazing, honestly, I am beyond happy for those who have found the one person in the world they want to be with. But I just don't see that for me; not right now at least.
Right now I am embracing my life, just as I have it. I am absolutely broke. I'm struggling with my classes and workload. I'm trying to exercise regularly and eat healthy. I'm attempting to maintain a balanced social life with new college friends and beloved hometown friends. My life is messy and imperfect at this moment and I am fully aware that it's going to be like this for a long time.
I wouldn't want it any other way.
Looking at it from a different perspective- I am getting a higher education that so many around the globe don't even have the option of receiving. I may not have much cash, but I am blessed to be set up with a savings account for a secure start in life. I have no physical ailments preventing me from pursuing my health goals. I have friends and family surrounding me almost constantly, pulling me in with love whenever I need it.
It can be so easy to look at the negatives in our lives. I am blinded by the fogginess of the few inconveniences in my life, that I often lose sight of what I am truly blessed with.
I have learned to love my life. I love where I am. I love the people I am with. I love the opportunities that lay ahead of me, just waiting for me to get the courage to grasp them. I love the memories I have with so many of my friends and family of laughing until my stomach hurt and tears sprung from my eyes.
I even love the bad moments. When I felt so alone at college after winter break that I couldn't even fall asleep, with the pang of homesickness constantly hurting my chest. I am appreciative of that short stage in my life. It gave me the push I needed to make a change, to meet people and to put myself out there.
So no, I am not in love with anyone. But I do love. I have so much love in my life that I receive on a daily basis, and I have so much love to give out to those in my life.
I love myself. I love my messed up life, too, because in the chaos, there is always beauty to be found.