There are so many nights that I wish I could go back to, just so I could change the things that I did or said. Nights that I wish I would have forced myself to go out with my friends instead of making up excuses to stay home, and nights that I wish I went home instead of forcing myself to stay out until daylight. All of these moments, whether they are regretted or cherished, collectively make up my imperfect, messy, and crazy life.
We are made through our experiences, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am sure that I will never be an expert at life, and that I will often make the same mistakes more than twice. I am not always proud of the way that I act, or the things that I do, yet I can recognize the things that I have done well, and have accomplished. The fact is, I am still learning, and that’s okay. Isn’t that what life is all about?
Friends
I have learned that friends change and you shouldn’t fight it. Life brings everyone on a different journey, and sometimes your worlds no longer collide. And that's okay. Your best friends will always be your best friends, but those that were not meant to stick around won’t be in your life anymore. As you get older, you realize that it’s pointless to keep holding onto friendships that are dead, and it’s easier to just let them go.
I am also learning how important it is to express your love for your friends, because life is entirely too short and unpredictable to hold your breath. Even through the fights, the tears, and the chaos, at the end of the day, there is an unspoken love and bond between friends that will never fade, even if life separates you.
Relationships
What is meant to be will always surface, and if it’s not meant to be, it will drift away. But the most important part of a relationship is not always the extravagant gifts that you give one another, or the dates that you go on, or the pictures that you post together. Sometimes it is just the time that you spend together sitting in silence. Silence says more than words ever could, and it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.
I am also learning that it is important to rethink your words before you speak them, or maybe not speak them at all. Acting on initial emotion is never a good idea because you end up saying things that you can’t take back and it causes people pain. You also learn that sometimes you will slip up, and it’s okay, but you also have to accept the fact that the other person is going to slip up sometimes, too.
Family
Your family is stuck with you, even though sometimes you feel like you want to run away from them. I am also learning that I should not be afraid to be myself, even at the cost of their approval, because even though they may not initially be accepting of what I’m doing, they will eventually get over it because they have too.
The life that you live is more important than making sure that everyone else is satisfied with it. I have learned that I never want to be that person who misses out because I am too afraid of what my family will think of me. If I could learn to accept them for who they are, they will have to accept me for who I am.
School
Take your education for granted because it’s a privilege, not a choice. Not everyone has the privilege of obtaining an education because their circumstances don’t always allow them too. I am blessed to be able to go to a University, and even though sometimes it’s a struggle, I know that there is more good to cherish than to dread over.
There is a reason that not everyone finishes their schooling, it’s because it’s hard. It doesn’t matter what your major is, it matters how much you love what you’re studying. If I stayed an accounting major, I’m not sure that I would still be going to school today. But because I found what I love and I decided to chase that, I know that my vision will always keep me focused, despite the nights where I can’t sleep because I have a paper due the next morning. Don’t look down on other people for what they decide to do with their lives, regardless of whether that means they're going to school or not. I’ve learned that life cherishes those who do things full heartedly, regardless of what it is that you do.
Insecurities
Everyone struggles from insecurities, no matter how confident they may appear. The little guy in the corner who keeps to himself, and the loud girl in the center of the room who is best friends with everyone. It doesn’t matter who you are or how you appear. You’ve struggled, and are still struggling with something. So be kind, say kind things, and don’t allow other people to attack your insecurities.
The best way for me to tackle my insecurities is to do things for myself and to not rely on anyone else to make me feel good about who I am. People are not permanent, and even if they do stick around for a while, it’s not their job to make you happy. It’s your job to make yourself happy. So get out of bed, go out there, and force yourself through the darkest moments of your life. You can’t see light if you’re lying in your bed with your windows and doors closed.
Social media
I used to make it a point to post everything on social media. Of course, it’s great to capture memories, but most of the things that I’ve wasted my time capturing are better remembered than posted. I love taking pictures. I love posting pictures for my family and friends to see so they know what’s going on in my life. But what you post and what you go through are very different from one another, and can be very deceiving.
Stop focusing so much on what you want other people to see, and start focusing on what’s happening in the moment. Every time I went to concerts in the past, I would record every minute because I wanted to capture that moment and live it for the rest of my life. I would go back and watch the videos over maybe once or twice, but never again. I’d lose them somewhere in my Icloud storage or on my computer and forget about them. So what I started doing is putting my phone away, maybe taking a picture or so, but trying harder to live in the moment because that’s the experience and the memory that I'm going to hold onto. I don’t want to watch my favorite artist through the camera on my screen trying to record them, I want to watch them live. I paid for this, and I deserve it. Who cares what other people see? It’s my life.
Don't be afraid
Life changes and people do too, don’t be afraid. You will do things and fail at them, and you will also do things and succeed. Your life is a constant question that can never be answered. It can only be lived. So go out there, fail your way around the world and make things happen that you never thought you could accomplish. Life is about learning, growing, experiencing, and being. So go be the most imperfect you that you know how to be… yourself.
